Greentext

Probably didn't have them on the app profile. She liked how he looked, and he may have approached her profile/responded to her message, in a way that socially acceptable to her, and nothing on his profile was a red flag to what she was looking for, so she agreed to meet him for coffee. Then, upon being told his hobbies are watching anime, and he has playing a video game, she lost interest, not what she was looking for though he was otherwise acceptable.

Atup. There's a lotta guys who think dating apps are akin to ordering a woman online and then finessing the edges and they always get ragingly shitful when they find out women are actually people and don't want that bullshit.

(This is outside of transactional hookups where people just wanna fuck)

Anime is such an innocuous interest too though. It's not like hunting, or veganism, where you may be asking someone to make a big change in their life. If she has a problem with something like that then she's going to be looking for someone to be with a lot longer than green text guy.

That's a nice sentiment, but there is almost certainly a mismatch in supply and demand for men who are anime and video game nerds.

I don't disagree with your statement about trying to find someone that shares similar interests and that one meshes with. As you said the mentality that one is trying to "catch" another person is pretty toxic and not the point I am responding too.

Although as an aside, I would critique the behavior of the other person. Dismissing someone based on past experiences with others that share a similar characteristic, or on preconceived notions of something is pretty shitty. I personally always try and give someone the benefit of the doubt and at least a couple of chances to shine. First encounters are often awkward AF and it can't always be sparks and magic. (That's an awful lot as an aside, I know 😅)

The one point you made about the potential number of matches is what I really wanted to comment on. It can often be frustrating and disheartening to have someone make a statement that comes across as if finding a partner is almost guaranteed as long as effort is put fourth (I know because I'm there). For reference my city has a population of about 900k people. I recently pulled some stats from the census and Pew Research to estimate what the actual pool of potential partners was like.

Things like number of people in my age range, percent of people in that age range that don't want kids, percent that are in the market, etc. I also tried to avoid stacking percentages that have high correlations like education and political affiliation. The result I got was about 35 people at any given time. The half life on that number refreshing is about 18 months as well.

So all of that before even getting into whether we have the same hobbies or interests, if they find me attractive, and other important factors. It also doesn't help that a lot of my hobbies and life are very heavily male dominated. What few women do exist in the space are usually already in a long term relationship. Even if they are not, I'm absolutely not first pick. I'm not ugly, I'm about average in looks and I do my best to present myself as best I can. Similarly I'm not super successful, but I'm not struggling either. However, when the ratio of men to women is so imbalanced even being in the top 20% or 10% in terms of desirability isn't enough.

So when someone says there is someone out there that is perfect for me or another person, I believe that statement to be true unequivocally in the same way that I believe alien life does, has, or will exist. However I am not likely to ever meet either for the same reason; space is too large, and time is too vast.

All that to say, I can understand why someone like the OP (whether real or not) might feel that way. Logically you are absolutely right and I don't disagree, but we are all still unfortunately human and that craving for love, sex, affection, etc. is annoyingly strong and even needed.

It’s not necessarily an easy problem to solve. I think the woman should have given him a chance and generally everyone should avoid reacting so strongly to “dealbreakers” on a first date.

That being said, Anon can also consider not bringing up anime and video games right off the bat. It doesn’t mean you can never share this. It may be just fine given more context (you are moderate about it, still open to other things, etc.). We all make snap judgments that we regret later. It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these (barring serious things like hiding if you have a kid).

In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics.

reported for misinformation

There's anime fans ("Hellsing is pretty good, Gundam's pretty cool too"), and anime fans ("KONICHIWA SENPAII~~❤️UwU NANI!?!?")

Lots, if not most, people who like anime are in the first camp (sub in anime that people watch these days - I am deeply out of touch and know it shows). Lots, if not most, people think of the second camp when they hear someone say "I like anime".

Wouldn't necessarily lead with it as a hobby in a dating scenario unless you're talking TV and movies in general already. But that's just me, and I haven't had to think about dating strategy for a loooong time.

I can understand that.

Have you tried watching anime in English dub? Some anime have great dubbing. Recently "Delicious in Dungeon". The dubbing is amazing. I would even say better than the original. At that point it is just fantasy TV show or cartoon.

This is the problem I've encountered. Anime is fine, it's like any other show/entertainment but it really can attract the wrong type of people. It's why I don't put it in my profile. The person I'm seeing has plenty of "horror" stories like yours too and said they avoid people with that in their profile now even though they like it cause of how weird or obsessive people can get about it.

Kinda sucks cause IMO one of the best parts about it is the ability to create other worlds/universes that live action struggles to do. (Think ATLA anime vs Live action)

Maybe anon only watches loli hentai but played it down to 'anime'.

I feel like bg3 is gayer tbh

He killed the vibe with talking about anime, gaming has gone quite mainstream, and is not perceived as nerdy anymore, as 10-20 years ago

I was at a house party a couple years ago and had like a 45 minute long conversation about attack on titan with a group of women who did not seem to fit into the anime demographic at all. I didn't even initiate it. The whole time in my head I was like "wtf is happening right now."

Ive met girls who spend most of their free time gaming complain things like "all he does is game, hes going no where". Some people have dumb standards for first impressions or are just straight up hypocrites.

That said, in our hyper competitive online dating bullshit timeline, OP should have thought of one of their more interesting skills and hobbys, even if they don't do it as often. Something like "sometime i cook a nice dinner on fridays" or "i like to ice fish in the winter" could have gathered more interest than just games. Even sticking to the gaming genre but mentioning a weekly board game meet sounds more attractive than solo gaming. It isn't necessarily the most fair but we gotta sell our selves even more when trying to connect digitally. There is no body language or other aspects to observe, your handful of pictures and texting is all you got to make a shot, for example, I game more than i ice fish, gaming is less commitment in time, energy, and money, but ice fishing is the more interesting and skill diverse hobby so I'd choose that over gaming for first impressions