this post was submitted on 06 Mar 2024
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Relationship Advice

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I'm part of the modteam for a book club. We have biweekly pub in-person meets, but we're primarily online. One of our members has a body-positive fitness social media presence. She shared this exchange with the modteam as a kind of "hey, this is a thing that happened."

We're currently discussing how to handle unwanted advances with the lady mods taking lead. Lots of planning talk that when applied to this instance may have blowback. Our discord club rules disallow being disrespectful (be respectful), but it isn't explicitly stated this extends to private conversations and in-person interactions.

There is an easy interpretation of the exchange can be summarized as, "Male user offers a makes a bad joke/compliment, is rejected, apologizes, and tries to reconcile." The prevailing interpretation is he is being a creep. I think the in-person interactions between the two is she stopped by a club meeting to say hi to us, and he was in attendance. He is a new member.

Is the exchange problematic, boys will be boys, or red flag, or yellow flag, or no flag? Is this a just have a talk with him, or tell him to take a hiatus for a couple weeks, or tell him to not come back? What's your read?


Male User, Day 1: Just want you to know I followed you and I can't help but it I am looking disrespectfully. You are ridiculously attractive.

Female User, Day 2: I don't think that's the compliment that you think it is.

Male User, Day 2: It was a meme I was attempting to reference and it clearly was not a good attempt. I'm sorry.

Male User, Day 3: I know I embarrassed myself yesterday but could I make it up by buying you a drink sometime? At book club or elsewhere?

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Reading through this and imagining sending it makes me feel nervous and alert, but I wouldn’t change anything. It’s clear and professional.

This is a supremely difficult situation to navigate. Make sure to treat yourselves with patience and compassion as things play out. Nobody should be put in this position, but it sounds like you and the rest of the mod team are handling it as best you can.