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is telling your employer you may leave if passive aggressive coworkers don't stop gossiping about you behind your back and gaslighting you a good idea? (linux.community)

submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I always thought of it like this: if a workplace makes you feel devalued or is toxic (gaslighting and ranting about you behind your back), you quietly find new pastures.

Now, however, I think this is the wrong approach: why do I have to accept they bully me? I should defend myself. And doesn't the manager have to make sure a workplace ain't toxic? Instead of quietly looking for a new job next time this happens, wouldn't it be better to confront, document and escalate instead of letting it go? even if HR only exists to protect the company and not me.

If HR and manager do nothing to address the problem, wouldn't it be a better strategy to start working the least possible and let the company fire me, while looking for another job?

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I agree with the HR department but calling someone a narc for raising an issue of bullying is called victimblaming.

I‘ve pulled tons of money out of companies for being bullied since they are responsible for keeping the workplace secure. Being a minority and bullied for it is great reason to sue and should be done in that case.

This advice is essentially „be a good little *** and take it in stride“. I cant believe that its upvoted so heavily.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Woah, dial it it back a bit. We're not talking about racial discrimination or violence. OP said people were talking behind their backs and provided no additional details. If you file a HR complaint just because you saw someone whispering while looking at you, you're 100% a narc. If you file a racial discrimination lawsuit because you're a minority and the company isn't firing people you don't like, you're the worst kind of person. If there's more to the story, OP didn't share it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I think we probably mean the same but approach it differently.

Being a minority doesnt only involve race. Being gay can mean peeps call you names which also constitutes discrimination.

Generally, I take every kind of bullying seriously because no amount besides mutually agreed upon are okay imo. There are better ways to clear up dissent imo.

The reason I bring this up is because you never know if the person you’re „making jokes about“ can actually defend themselves if necessary.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

How do you sue without a smoking gun in an at will employment state? I have felt discriminated against several times in my workplace, but it is only a feeling. I worry that any attempt at a lawsuit would only leave me unemployed.

I don’t have evidence—the interactions are all person to person. It seems like it would be easy for the supervisor to say “I didn’t say that”, “I didn’t mean that”, or “it was for other reasons”, and I would have nothing to fall back on.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

First of all. I‘m not on the US so I‘m not familiar to the situation there. However, at will employment imo means that the state you work in could not give two shits about you and I would never stay there.

Besides that, education and writing stuff down helps to both understand your situation and improve it. If you just have a „feeling“ you might want to sit down and think about it. There might be different things happening. Either someone just doesnt like you, or you dont like them. Do they imply things that are connected to you being a minority? If you can single out these situations in writing, you might find out whats going on. Thats how it went for me.