Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: [email protected]
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No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
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Mental Health [email protected]
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I'm sorry to hear about your difficult experience and the impact it's had on you. It's obvious that this situation left a deep scar on your soul, and I applaud you for seeking therapy and getting sober.
I, personally don't know you nor her, nor was I present when all this happened but I think it's important to remind yourself that there are always two sides to a story. While your intentions may have been innocent, her perception of the interactions might have been different. It's possible that what felt like friendly conversation to you was perceived as uncomfortable or intrusive to her. This doesn't necessarily make anyone the "bad guy" – it's just a reminder of how complex human interactions can be and how two people can interpret the same situation very differently.
Regarding your self-perception and fear about future relationships, it's crucial to understand that one incident doesn't define who you are or dictate your future. People grow and change, especially when they actively work on themselves as you have. Being sober and in therapy are important steps towards understanding yourself and learning how to build healthy relationships.
Regarding how she chose to handle the situation, it's important to acknowledge that her actions, whether perceived as right or wrong, are beyond your control. While it's possible that her intentions were not entirely good-hearted, focusing on this aspect might not be constructive for your own healing journey. You cannot change her actions or her perception of the events, only how you respond and learn from the experience. This is part of accepting the past and focusing on your own growth and future.
I want to stress, that self-forgiveness is a vital part of healing. Continually hating yourself for past mistakes is not productive. Recognizing your growth and the efforts you've made to improve is important. You're not the person you were six years ago.
Finally let me tell you that everyone deserves love and the chance to enter into a healthy relationship. This experience doesn't change that. I highly recommend discussing your feelings with your therapist, who can provide more personalized guidance and support.
And as last two cents: remember, growth often comes from challenging experiences. You're on the right path by acknowledging the past, learning from it, and making positive changes. Keep moving forward!
I hope you find something useful in my babbling and wish you a wonderful day 🙂
What a great internet soul you are. I agree with everything you wrote. Thanks for taking the time to help a fellow human
Thanks 😊