cats

Hey I don't know where to post so I just have my darling Charlotte to trojan horse my bs into a community.

I feel like the skills I have are useless. After years unable to hold down a job, I decided to go all in and follow my dream. My problem was that I was $10k in debt after a temp job ended unexpectedly sooner than promised. I've been able to get to a point where I'm set to make $60k on my own, which may not seem like much but as an artist that's huge, but not enough to help me dig out of my debt.

I'm looking at moving back from Chicago to Seattle to get a higher paying job, but none of the skills I have seem to be wanted. I'm a music director at theaters, a multi-instrumentalist, and I'm putting together a non-profit for musicians to connect with values based organizations, but when I look to the world of tech, or at least where the money is, none of that seems to matter. I'm told I have skills, but I just don't think there's a place for me in this world. I just don't think what I bring is valuable enough for someone to say "hey, you should be able to eat". Frankly, today I've had that old voice come back telling me I shouldn't be here anymore. Charlotte is a needy girl and is making sure I don't leave, but man it's hard.

It's like... I want to give up on the dream, but like... Where would I go? Who would I be? I have done this before when I left comedy- I don't have the constitution for that world, but at least music was something I'm good at. I can play 22 instruments. I write songs. Improv. Jazz. I teach. I conduct. But none of that matters now. None of it is wanted. Especially with this new world and AI stealing our work, artists just aren't valued. I grew up in Seattle, the arts capital of the US from 1990-2010, but tech came in and napalmed it. I thought maybe I could join the "evil empire" but sure enough they don't want me.

I just don't feel like I belong here. I'm even thinking of giving Charlotte to a more capable human. Idk. Sorry.