this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2024
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Autism
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People can have multiple personalities depending on variables like the environment or the social context. They chose a personality to approach someone and they didn't like it.
I do not understand choosing a personality? I'm thinking when you walk up to someone you pick a very small part of your personality and show it to them to see a response and go from there.
Can you describe this?
Yeha, I think that's what they mean. Like they have their personality compartmentalized, not that they have multiple personalities. Let's say they chose to be goofballs with a girl because they thought she would like it but then they find she's too serious and doesn't enjoy goofball jokes at all.
Some people can alter their behavior to get a desired output. I guess it isn't something people do constantly but there might be scenarios.
why do that?
Because, for some reason, people think it's better to smooth over social situations by acting inauthentically than handle any amount of friction or disagreement. But that's how people end up with entire friend groups they don't relate to, and feel unhappy.
Personally, I think most people lack the emotional maturity to act authentic to themselves and say 'fuck the haters'. People who do that tend to end up a lot more satisfied with life than chronic people-pleasers. I would know - I've tried both ways, and the people-pleasing only leads to anxiety and shame, like the OP's meme describes.
I would say it's more a matter of creating an appropriate external persona so that what other people see is your authentic self. An example of this is if you're naturally reserved and quiet, most people would interpret that as disinterest or animosity. But if do you like the other person, you need to put on a bit of an act to communicate that.
I take the opposite approach. If I notice someone is more chatty than I am, I make a point to tell them upfront "hey, I'm usually pretty quiet, but I still enjoy conversations even if they're a little one-sided". It's a good test of character - if they still have a problem with me after I communicated clearly, then we're not compatible, and I don't need to worry about them. But I have certainly had friends that would talk my ear off and I'd happily nod and offer small insights or facts, and it worked out. It's more about finding the right people - instead of trying to become the right person.
I think you make some valid points. I'm trying to understand the context of personality changes. I wonder if they are referring to; not showing who they really are, personality switching??, or just showing parts of who they are. To me, It's a very confusing statement.
Do you have autism?
Because otherwise, we would either do not say a word, or we would show our worst sides to the person. And that would be embarrassing.