transgender
Welcome to lemmy.ml/c/transgender! This is a community for sharing transgender or gender diverse related news articles, posts, and support for the community.
Rules:
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Bigotry, transphobia, racism, nationalism, and chauvinism are not allowed.
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Selfies are not permitted for the safety of users.
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No surveys or studies.
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Debating transgender rights is not allowed. Transgender rights are human rights. Debating transgender healthcare is not allowed. Transgender healthcare is a necessity.
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No civility policing transgender people. Transgender people have a right to be angry about transphobia and be rude to transphobes.
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If you are cis, do not downvote posts. We don't like you manipulating our community.
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Posts about dysphoria/trauma/transphobia should be NSFW tagged for community health purposes.
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For both cis and trans people: Please alter your username (if possible) to include pronouns (or lack thereof, or questioning) so no one misgenders anyone. details. This rule is important for maintaining a safe place. If you can't change your ID, please let a mod know and include it in your bio.
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Leftist infighting is not allowed.
Please remember to report posts that break any of these rules, it makes our job easier!
If you are looking for a more secure and safe trans space, we suggest you visit https://hexbear.net/c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns. While we will try our best, lemmy.ml/c/transgender is far more open to the fediverse, and also to trolls. One of the site admins of lemmy.ml, nutomic, is also a transphobe, while hexbear is ran mostly by trans people and has a very active trans community.
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"use name," I infer, is "jsomae was talking about jsomae's day and mentioned jsomae saw a..." sort of thing. I would rather be assumed male than this. (Though if others prefer this for themselves, I approve in that case)
I understand your point of view more than most of the arguments I've seen against mandatory pronouns. So please take my comment as friendly, I'll do my best not to be a rude asshole.
How would you feel about (any) for your pronoun choice? That's functionally the same as not listing them, people can still choose which ones they want to use for you, but it still shows you're supportive of people prominently displaying their pronouns. That or you could consider maybe a neopronoun. I personally really like e/em/eir. They're nice and genderless, easy to use, and, bonus, a mathematician came up with them in like the '70s (I could have the year wrong and I refuse to look it up), not because he was trying to be trans inclusive, but because he hated that math books assumed their readers were all men and he wanted to include women in his writing. (Singular they was considered ungrammatical at that point.)
I would not have assumed you're a rude asshole based on the rest of your comment -- but either way, thank you for being friendly.
I don't like (any) as that means I acquiesce to the years of being assumed male by default on the Internet. I feel spite about that not because I feel euphoric when she/her'd but rather at a more base level of feminism -- that male-by-default is a patriarchal practice and so I object to it. If I were ok with (any) then I'd be OK with he/him. As a cis woman, he/him doesn't cause me dysphoria, it just causes me to roll my eyes at the state of the world. Making my pronouns visible isn't a fix for this, it's just a band-aid as it doesn't magically cause the world to be less sexist. Honestly, getting he/him'd by default is basically a useful litmus test for the state of sexism in a community I guess.
I'm not interested in changing my pronouns to a neopronoun or to any other pronoun really, but it's a nice suggestion and the aside about the mathematician is really interesting. As a mathematician myself I approve of the etymology. :)
fair enough, also .ml isn't my instance so I don't wanna be too pushy on whether options like friend or comrade are preferred here. @[email protected] might be better to weigh in specifics like that
tho I do wanna go back to this real quick
pronouns, in this case, are really just used to know how to refer to you. if I were referring to you without seeing your above comments I'd probably avoid pronouns (none/use name). other people who are mindful of this would end up doing the same or maybe using they/them to be safe. in person, it sounds like you don't have the issue of needing to provide pronouns (with many complicated feelings on that). in the same way that you say the trans community sees you as a person and not simply your assigned gender at birth, this isn't a request to box you in or anything like that. this community isn't binary focused or gender essentialist. it's just how would you like us to talk about you? if that's something you're not sure on, maybe a label like (it's complicated) or something acknowledging it's a complex topic for you. it doesn't have to mean you're not cis to feel weird about the weight of the expected gender binary in society. that can hurt trans and cis people alike
One way or another, Lemmy has many communities. Even if you don't have any preconceptions about women, others will. And even if it's all in my head and nobody on lemmy has such prejudices -- she/her isn't my identity, but my username is. jsomae is how I choose to present to the world, and I don't want femininity to be a part of how I present.
then to ask simply, how do you want people to refer to you when talking to you online? whether you include a pronoun tag or not, people are going to refer to you
Exactly the same way I expect people to know I'm Canadian. That is to say, I expect people to call me she/her if they recognise me or in the rare event my sex is relevant and surfaces ("my experience as a woman is...").
Pragmatically, most people will he/him me if they are Neanderthalpilled and they/them me if they are based, as is the rule online. :P (and those he/himmers will assume I'm American as well.)