me_irl

I wonder where the sentiment that free time in itself is worth so much comes from. And why is time spent with kids automatically unfree? Me time, self care, yes sure, but I would not put free time, as in time I can do something by myself, above time I spend with people I love. Is a weekend spent outside with your family on a playground with coffee in thermo cups somehow not free time? What would you want to do instead? If I end up with too much time on my hands that I don't put in somewhere that makes sense, is it really better than putting it into raising children? You can put it into working for charity or into doing another round of cocktails at a bar. You can do something for your community, work on a master plan to overthrow the capitalist system, or you can do yet another round of meditative yoga. The question is what you will look back on later with no regrets. (You can also absolutely regret having had kids.)

Most of us will have shit jobs no matter what. You're right that the stakes are higher with kids involved. Is this necessarily bad? At least you have some more reason to keep working and not try to improve the unimprovable.

And yes, your kids might eventually resent you. This sucks. But they don't owe you and you don't own them. You try your best, you fuck it up, you are overloaded, it's never enough, you learn, you regret, you cherish, you love. If you're lucky, you will have helped in the creation of a happy and independent adult, whilst having gained valuable experiences and created unique memories. That's the best you can hope for. But don't have kids if you expect anything. Don't have kids for a reason.

I just want to emphasize that I am not advocating for having children. If you don't want kids, don't have them. Not everyone can have kids either. The question is what you make matter in your life. If you manage to find a purpose, meaning, fulfillment, connection, commitment, call it whatever you want, outside of a family - that's amazing and absolutely something to strive for. What I dislike is the sentiment (conveyed in this meme) that more money and more free time automatically is somehow worth more or make for a better life. In themselves, these things are worth nothing. It is what you make of it. Free time can be a killer (ask lonely retirees), and money does not necessarily make you happier (if you don't have financial worries). As with money, I also ask myself where people put their money. Is putting money into stuff, hobbies, travelling, really so much better than putting it towards people they love?

And putting your career first is - just in my opinion - a dangerous gamble, if this is what you decide is to give your life meaning.

There are shit parents and there are shit childfree people. There are fulfilled parents and fulfilled childfree (or childless) people. Whatever scratches your itches.