Aqua regia ain't no piranha, and also ain't the most concerning thing in my post lol.

Ah bromine. Super dense, low MW, and low bp, all making dosing accurate amounts a heroic feat. If you store your bromine cold, you can precool the pipette by sucking up and spitting out a few times before transfering, which helps cut down the vapor.

That's just bad management / just put it on high vacuum

Yes. The whole thing is satirizing the "Safety -> Against" bit. Each piece, though exaggerated for effect, has a basis in something I've seen over the years.

Regarding NMR tubes though, the answer in my old group was precious metal complexes, which have a tendency to mirror out once they've done their bit. Or just existed for too long; a lot of them were touchy. The mirror tends to resist solvents and scrubbing. Nitric acid alone sometimes was enough to remove it depending on the metal, but often not. At some point the cost, effort, and danger are all supposed to outweigh just binning the lot and buying new tubes, but my PI was allergic to buying new things.

Depends what is meant by green. Acetone is decent for health and safety (flammability notwithstanding) but is produced from petrochemicals and tied to the production of phenol (petroleum -> benzene and propane (or natural gas -> propane), propane -> propylene, benzene + propylene -> cumene, cumene + O2 -> phenol + acetone). Not much chlorophyll involved. Also has somewhere between a moderate to obscene CO2 burden depending on how you draw that box in and around the oil industry, but so do most commodity chemicals.

I for one haven't used heavy metal catalysts in a year

Maybe not directly, but a lot of commodity chemicals rely on some truly vile metal mixtures for catalysis :)