this post was submitted on 16 May 2024
52 points (93.3% liked)

Asklemmy

43790 readers
746 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yeh but then, if a person is genuinely obviously extremely attractive, or clearly has traits like a capacity to lead or influence people, or is objectively wealthy, or is clearly very smart, those are all things that come off as really conceited to the rest of us unless their acknowledgement is very careful. If such a person is too quick or too ready to acknowledge these things about themselves, despite their accuracy, we're pretty likely to think they're a dick. It seems like for people who are in some ways exceptional, the appropriate level of humility, wherever it is on the scale, does need to involve at least a little bit of pantomime and false modesty. The right size in such cases will need to be at least a little smaller than they really are, not too much smaller, or it's interpreted as disingenuous, but not exactly true to scale either.

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Yeah I mean, I didn't say to gloat / flaunt. You can do what I suggested without making others feel small. False modesty is exactly what we are avoiding..genuine modesty is absolutely fine to run alongside my comment about being right sized and is the perfect antitode to the concern you started your post with.

And tbh the right sized thing has less to do with looks / status / wealth and more to do with how we see ourselves when doing a self assessment of character traits.