this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2024
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My partner is newly diagnosed at 40 and while on the surface it seems like he’s a just “shrug it off” guy, he’s not able to fully ignore it - there’s so much inner turmoil. He always feels bad for not doing XYZ and he’s never truly able to enjoy doing something else instead. He can be temporarily distracted by an enjoyable/relaxing activity, but he does care. He always cares. And he never feels like he deserves to enjoy anything when there’s so much to do at home/work/his life. It’s unbelievably distressing. ADHD is a spectrum. I’m so glad that you are able to shrug it off and enjoy other things, but that’s not the reality for all ADHD sufferers.
it's possible it's not just ADHD, ADHD existing with something else that can cause you to not care about this kind of thing is definitely a possibility.
Or it could be something else entirely, leading to the inability of caring, which then leads to ADHD symptoms. That's very possible.
ADHD itself is a spectrum, but ADHD also has increasingly significant comorbidity with autism, and that's probably not a fluke. The chances that you have one neurodivergent trait alone is low, the likelihood that you have at least a couple diverging traits, which have been basketed together, are much higher.
I've seen lots of people with ADHD that get almost violently defensive over how much of a problem their ADHD is, and i get it, not being able to do shit sucks, but i've also seen people like me who show ADHD traits, but don't really give a shit. Because we just lack the capacity to "want" a normal life, that isn't fraught by ADHD, all we've ever lived is ADHD, and if we're coping find, and it doesn't bother us, why bother spending more time somewhere that isn't going to benefit us. That's different from person to person, and that's just how it is.
I would like to point out how the original post here expresses "i feel like" which demonstrates that it's how they feel about it. And i mean to be clear, they aren't exactly wrong, you shouldn't be distressing over it. Maybe that means making it a non problem, or maybe it means ignoring it, it's up to the person.