this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2024
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I thought this a couple of years ago, even though i was diagnosed at 5 (29 now). It's funny how i went my whole life thinking it was just the stereotypical adhd is just hyperactivity and laziness because the doctors never really tried to explain how this disorder could affect me. I decided to look it up studf about adhd and am deeply conflicted by how it literally explains my entire life and behaviors even though i thought i had it under control. On one hand im glad there is something that explains a lot of my struggles and medical issues but on the other i feel like my entire personality is just dictated by adhd and that i never really had as much freedom of choice as i thought i did.
It's weird, isn't it? I was diagnosed as an adult, just a couple of years ago, and it was surreal how much sense it made of my entire life. I'm now on guanfacine which makes me feel like I have a superpower, but it's really just being able to remember things, notice more things, and concentrate for more than two seconds.
I feel like the more you understand how your brain works, the more you learn how to work around it.
Full disclosure: I'm not diagnosed, but on a waitlist for ADD - for over a year now and it's not moving, but I digress. I am diagnosed with autism though.
To me it feels like my brain is a wildwater. You can't control it, but if you change the environment around it, you can guide it into useful directions. I'm lucky that by now the people around me have accepted it and are able to laugh with me when I fuck up. We have a lot of systems in place to reign in the worst effects, and the more we get used to it the easier it gets not to fall into traps and not to be unreliable.
I guess I'm working on my skills as a mindbender who tricks my brain into being useful while still allowing it to get that dopamine?