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Why do hardly any straight men write about sex and dating? | Imogen West-Knights
(www.theguardian.com)
this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2024
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Men's Liberation
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I think a lot of good advice could easily get you tarred and feathered as sexist. It's pretty much inevitable.
You think? I dunno. It’s 100% about how you actually view women. When you talk about the woman you’re dating in a way that just recognizes them as another person, then there is no problem.
I believe wholeheartedly I could write this column without issue.
Do you have an example?
For example discussions on the difference between what women think they want in a man vs what actually turns them on. Conscious vs unconscious desires. This isn't a women-only phenomena mind you. It takes most people a lot of experience to figure out the difference. This could obviously come off as infantilising or mansplainy.
I don't see how this is a good advice, since it's a giant overgeneralization. In my opinion any good dating advice is rather personal based on the people involved. Sure some people don't know what they want - no matter the gender and others are pretty well aware of their need. A good dating advice should always start with pay attention to the person across of you and don't put them into a bucket, since that's also something one would love for them selfes.
But now I'm more curious about what you think women and men really need?
Yeah, I was generalizing for the example. I would be less general in a larger piece. Good dating advice starts even before you sit down across from the other person. It starts with yourself. You have to know what you need in a partner and know what you want and to be able to differentiate between the two. Partially that just comes from getting to know a wide variety of people (friends, not just romantic partners).
You need to pay attention to what society is telling you that you should want vs what your body wants. For example, I grew up in the Midwest US during the Baywatch years where busty blondes were portrayed as the ideal. Over time I learned what really got me going was a slim, small-busted brunette. The same principle applies to non-physical characteristics as well.
I think the article brought that up as a good point. It would have to walk a fine line and would work best as advice column to answer specific questions. I think the generalities can cause sexist issues much more than a specific example