Saraphim

I’ve given this some thought, because I do seem to get satisfaction out of completing tasks, but no motivation to start them in order to get the finishing satisfaction. Or giving up half way through a task when I’ve lost interest. On the other hand, avoidance leads to adrenaline, and that gets me moving. I think that’s where the neuro compensation lies. Not the lack of satisfaction that the task is complete (although mostly I just feel relief not satisfaction), it’s the adrenaline replacing the dopamine.

My best friend might be dying because she’s a fat woman. For over 15 years I’ve watched doctors tell her that her problem is that she needs to lose weight, prescribe weight loss plans, send her to eating clinics, suggest surgery as a solution to her horrific periods that last for months, massive fibroids (I’m talking 12 x 6 inch clots here ladies), fainting, breathing trouble and chest pains, constant body and joint pain, anemia. The last five years she’s barely even been able to leave the house and blacks out walking to the bathroom and it still wasn’t an issue, and all her fault for being fat.

Turns out that iron deficiency was damaging her heart. Those clots were a symptom of another problem. The pain, the breathing issues, all of it would have existed whether she was fat or thin because she has fucking cancer that has likely metastasized to her lungs. No one checked, no one considered any other options until one er doctor was horrified to see her history of iron transfusions and hadn’t checked her heart health , which led to further testing of the non-fat-lady variety.

It’s bad guys. It’s a bad cancer, rare, and has had decades to grow, because she’s a dramatic, emotional, paranoid female who’s fat.

I guarantee any fat man in the world can walk into an ER with chest pains, and they’d check his heart, not put him on a diet.

Sometimes I wish I could. Last week I told him I love him but I hate being married to him. He sulked for a day and got over it. I’m not over it.

I’m sympathetic to adhd because I have it up the wazoo. It’s not even the forgetting. It’s the “to make me feel guilty” which puts the responsibility for his feelings of inadequacy on me. If he feels guilty it’s because he f’ed up. I’m not doing it to him and it’s a strategic ploy to make me feel ashamed for not just accepting his half assed effort.

I have tried this. Unfortunately when you run a house, things need doing, whether you want to do them or not. So although in principal this makes sense, in the end it just makes more work for the person who is running the house. I have two kids that need to eat. Hell, I want to bloody well eat. Why should we all live in filth so that his ego isn’t bruised when I point out he didn’t do his very minuscule bit ?

This would work with roommates though.

I’m so torn. On the one hand this guy is a massive piece of shit and he deserves to be publicly ridiculed and shamed. On the other hand, getting old is scary as fuck and I feel some way about mocking someone about a clear neurological issue.

This whole thing just gives me the ick.

I wasn’t before but you’ve inspired me. I’m easily influenced.