"Israel has a right to investigate itself"
Not the Onion
For true stories that are so ridiculous, that you could have sworn it was an !theonion worthy story.
Ah yes the "no you" defence
Not quite. In this case, Israel is asking the international community to let it investigate Netenyahu independently.
Not optimistic on any actual justice, but a legally sound argument.
Indeed. The whole criticism of the ICC comes from the viewpoint that Israel has a functioning, independent judiciary able to sentence Netanyahu for war crimes, and therefore the ICC shouldn't intervene.
I have no idea if that is true, but the fact that it hasn't happened yet makes me feel like it might very well not be.
The ICC does not make the case that israel has a functional judicial system. The UN called it an Apartheids state already.
The US makes the case that Israel has a functioning judicial system, not the ICC. The ICC and the UN makes the opposite case, and correctly so, I would say.
Trying to be like a police department now?
Ah, ye ol "we've investigated ourselves and found we've done nothing wrong"