OP if you are still struggling with this situation, it might be beneficial to you to examine what exactly is it that bothers you?

That she hid this from you?

That she is creating a debt you will be responsible for(if she is not willing/capable of managing this debt) without your consent? (You claimed that she has made you responsible for household finances)

That she is doing something without you?

Is it trauma from the situation that caused you to previously declare bankruptcy?

Is being in debt at all a trigger for you?

Theres lots of things about this situation that You probably dont stress over, but clearly something has you spooked by this. If you understand what doesnt bother you it might help navigate her defenses and focus on what is a problem, instead of wasting energy fighting over aspects of this situtuation you both can focus on what actually is bothering you and not the details that might lead the relationship to a worse place. Its just exhausting to be arguing over the wrong things. Its incredibly harmful to working things out

Ive been on the other end of this. She was the bread winner when we moved in together and then she kept changing jobs and not liking them eventually she was too depressed to hold a job at all. My 15$ an hour job was our only income for about 2 years at one point and i found out she had racked up 5000 on her credit card.

Before i found out she would always get upset about me questioning her use of that card. We were already in debt for a car we bought together and we were really struggling.

She eventually decided she was unhappy and broke up with me. Have dated 2 people since that didnt go anywhere and its been almost 15 years now

Lotta people in here ignoring OP's note about how sensitive and aggressively defensive the SO is. That will cause a relationship where one partner might get tired of trying and learn not to trigger them. They probably have serious inability to have hard discussions.

Simply saying to talk to their SO and don't worry about it, let it go, isn't real helpful. Having been in relationships with aggressively defensive people, it is a minefield to ever bring up any problem with them. There's almost no good sensitive way to do it with some people, and that gets tiring.

Bro, seriously? $2500 is nothing. I can't believe your post is real, you are being way too dramatic over this. She is the breadwinner, let her spend money on herself and don't make her feel so guilty she had to hide this pocket change from you - clearly you are too controlling with this. Tell her your a bitch ass for even thinking this is a major problem and letting it upset you. Laugh, tell her you will work on yourself and move on.

Oh man i was expecting $100,000+ debt. $2500 is nothing man im not even 30 with almost $12,000 in credit card debt and this is nothing compared to people with student loans my age.

Dont sweat it. Talk about it and tell her its okay and she should just mentioned it but its not a $2500 is nothing to fight over

As others have said, $2,500 isn't worth throwing away your marriage. You love her, and she loves you.

However, I would recommend that you both explore couple's therapy. It's healthy to do a bit of a check-in!

I think the best thing to do is to help figure out how to manage stress and conflict more constructively for both of you. That nips the problem in the bud, and makes it easier for you two to talk face to face about issues that are sensitive or stressing you out going forward.

Counseling has helped a lot of my friends and family through tough situations, whether that is relationships, mental health, coming out, spending, stress, etc. It can be super helpful to get an outside opinion and advice from a party that isn't emotionally invested in a problem (such as a sibling, friend, or relative). I went once to get a fresh perspective on a longstanding problem and came out a new man.

Can she afford to look into ADHD treatment? Does she have health insurance? IMO it's totally worth it.

She's probably both scared and relieved that you know. $2500 is a lot of money. Work together on a plan and move on. The difficult things that you face together improve your marriage.

Get a personal loan and pay the debt off. Bing namg boom. Make up.

Do you want financial advice or relationship advice?

Because they are both the same. Talk to your wife. Have grace and compassion. She's probably been stressed about this for a long time, digging deeper and hoping she can crawl out of it.

Remember this is the woman you love. She's scared and ashamed. You're partners, and her problems are your problems.

Go to her and tell her you love her. Tell her you just want to understand what happened, but whatever it is, you'll pay it off together. $2,500 is not going to break you, and if you set up a payment schedule, you can budget around it.

Transparency, communication, and empathy will get you through this.

Once you're past the initial confrontation, it's also important to tell her how hurt and shocked you are that she kept this from you.

$2500 is not worth losing your marriage over. Level with her and move on.