Oh man this hits hard.
I've been working on a project at work lately and everything I explain to people about it (namely people above my boss), I feel like I have to give like 5 years of backstory first.
this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
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My dad does the opposite of mansplaining, he explains things using terminology and concepts that are way above my level of understanding and gets frustrated when I ask too many clarifying questions or when I struggle to catch on.
It fucked with me pretty bad growing up and in an effort not to put other people through that I tend to assume people know little about esoteric subjects I'm talking about and try to explain things in a way the general layperson would understand. If they let on that they seem familiar with the subject then I adjust but I do often worry I'm coming off as being condescending :-\
I tend to just lean into the fact that I can't explain things well and get as vague as possible.
"Hey honey, how was work?"
"Not bad, did a thing that lead to another thing needing to be done and broke all of the things at the place."
I tend to assume people know little about esoteric subjects I'm talking about and try to explain things in a way the general layperson would understand. If they let on that they seem familiar with the subject then I adjust but I do often worry I'm coming off as being condescending :-\
I do the same thing. I feel like I suck at explaining things, because I am so deeply into a few things, and shallowly into a ton of things, I have no idea what the average layperson knows. When I'm explaining how I solve a Rubik's cube, do I use the word algorithm? Do people know what algorithm means?
How much does the average person know about space travel? I got into KSP at a relatively young age, so I have no idea if most people are aware that to get to orbit you have to go really fast sideways. I have no idea how many people think that astronauts could drop something off of the ISS onto the planet. Can I use the phrase ∆v? How deeply am I going to have to explain the concept of ∆v?
I think the most complex thing that I can reasonably explain is what a parsec is, but it still takes like 3 paragraphs, and that's assuming I don't have to explain the concept of using degrees to measure how far apart things appear to be in your field of vision. Which I genuinely don't know whether that's general knowledge or not.
usually when i'm getting into some really nerdy shit, i tend to explain the ever living hell out of it, because shits complicated as fuck.
I could ask whether the other party knows it, but let's be real, i'm enjoying myself too much to ask lmao. Just tell me to stop and i will.
Isn't mansplaining just being condescending?
In theory yes, in practice some people use the term very broadly.
IMO, it's just being overly confident and stubborn in your explanation of something. specifically in relation to the two sexes (or genders, depending on the scenario)
Anything else just doesn't apply. But i also have a pretty strict definition of anything like this tbh.
Poor communication often by men. Assuming the other is uninformed and then not picking up on cues from them, taking the explanation way too far.
That's rather broad i think. Like are we including people who don't socially communicate very well? Like autistic people for example. I like to define things specifically enough that they have an explicit category. I don't interact with people physically very often, i'm not good on picking up cues, and often just completely ignore their physical state, because i'm in the middle of doing something else.
Forgive me if i'm rather brazen here, but like, just fucking tell me i'm being a dumbass and explaining something i don't need to. It's fine.
I'm autistic and I feel this.
I ask what people know about a topic before I start. Most people don’t like being put on the spot to prove their knowledge about a random topic, but it seems to work better and be more engaging than just assuming they do or don’t know and dumping accordingly.
No I mansplain because too many dumb fucks in my life will tell me they understand what I mean and then when I explain it anyway they have no idea what I meant.
Sucks to suck stupid people ruined it for everyone now y'all have to listen to explanations regardless.
So, everyone suffers because you surround yourself with people that you think are beneath you?
The thing is that there are almost an infinite number of things you can learn and you only have enough time to learn a few of them. So if I talk to someone else, there is a very small chance that person spent their limited time learning the exact same things I did. Of course, this depends on context. At work I assume that the people who also work in the quite specific niche I’m in have a large overlap in knowledge, but a random person I meet anywhere else probably won’t even be aware that this thing I know a lot about is even a thing. Not because they are stupid but because they spent their time learning other stuff I know fuck all about.
I don't think anyone is beneath me but the amount of times I've gone through the aforementioned scenario.
"Hey do you understand how to do x?
"Yeah sure!"
Proceeds to not even slightly understand how to do x
"Hey this is how you do x"
"STOP EXPLAINING I ALREADY KNOW"
In reality it's more of a 50/50 whether I actually explain it after they've fucked it up because I just can't be bothered but a lot of the time if someone fucks it up it falls on me.
I should also say this is mainly a work thing. I don't generally do it to random people.
To prevent mansplaiming I just assume everyome knows as much about a topic as I do and get annoyed when they ask me questions.
i would classify this as manderstanding
To avoid a manderstanding I make sure to never relate to anyone
lol
You joke but I had an ex get mad at me for "mansplaining" in her words, because I would overexplain when I'd talk about some semi-niche shit like Settlers of Catan, or when she asked what I was doing and I had to explain what a gas block does. So, I just started assuming she knows everything all the time and would ask when clarification was needed. I wasn't even being an asshole about it, but she didn't want to do that either, seems she wanted me to somehow know what she does or doesn't know and only explain the bits she's missing. Can't win em all I guess lol.
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