Quick, everyone do your laundry while these dirty-keepers aren't watching!
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I can see orgies of blackmailing.
I heard they banned dolphins recently because they can break into cars. Maybe now they'll ban porpoises?
Disgusting. If I miss 3 days of work without calling in I can be fired. These clowns, who are supposed to be in charge of verifying billions in transactions, get their whole operation nuked and nothing will come of it except maybe some more ignorant laws and regulations.
Your example isn't even close to what happened.
If you can't come into work because your tires are slashed, you should not be fired.
So get all your money laundering in now while they're distracted, right?