You're just a kid, how would you know what you want for the rest of your life? : memes

[+] [email protected] -10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

No. Not just "no", hard no. Part of our society's problems stem from how people spend half (if not all) of their 20s partying. This is particularly an issue for us traditional men who want to marry earlier in adulthood but can't find any high value women who aren't feminists who have, let's just say, "been around". Furthermore, when you marry and have kids at an earlier place in your adult life, you get to spend more of your life with your children, see their successes, you get to witness your legacy unfold in real time.

That is what we need more of and I will not be convinced otherwise.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago

Ew

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Throwing my anecdotal 2 cents in -

Married at 23 (wife just turned 21) straight out of college. We were both very immature, and we divorced two years later after she fooled around with her 55 year old boss. Left me devastated at 25 going on 26 thinking I was used goods. After a lot of maturing, a few more relationships, I remarried at 33.

It takes a lot of self reflection - because even though I could chalk up the previous marriage to “lol she a hoe” - I had piss poor financial skills, was very immature and lacked a lot of self confidence which manifested itself in toxic behavior all around. There are times I just cringe at who I was at that age. Not that I’m a perfect person now, I’m just more aware of what I needed to improve in myself to be a decent person and partner.

Part of it is the age old wisdom of learning to love yourself and figuring out what you like, versus just trying to mold yourself into the person you think your partner wants. And not to say that “oh I’m an asshole, They have to deal with it” but truly understanding what makes you tick and finding someone who loves and accepts that part of you.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Married at 23 (wife just turned 21) straight out of college. We were both very immature

Also totally anecdotal: Exactly the same for us, up to this point. Now I'm looking at 36 on the horizon this year, and she 34, and we're still both quite happily married.

My only point being: it just depends on the people. It works for some, and for others it doesn't. I wish I could tell a person which kind they'd be, but I can't.

I will absolutely say, however, it's gonna hurt a whole hell of a lot less to simply wait a bit longer and be sure of what you want, and that you're both in agreement on the major things. It doesn't mean you have to wait in order for the relationship to succeed, but it sure would improve the likelihood that it will.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

Marurity matters, not years . In my parents era 18 was a common marriage age, but they were done high-school and working full time at 16, unless you went to Uni.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Met my now wife in high school. We've been together since high school.

We've been married for 5 years now.

I'm 40 next.

So kinda agree with the post, but not the sentiment that if you met your partner early you're weird. I was lucky I met the love of my life so young. Just because you didn't doesn't mean I'm weird, just not as lucky as me.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

My wife and I both met at the tail end of college in our early 20s, we knew pretty quickly what we had but we didn't rush things other than moving in with each other after the first year. We didn't get married for another 10 years.

I almost feel like weddings early on can put huge stress on a marriage. Even if you have somebody paying for it all it creates a lot of crap to deal with and you can get forced to meet and deal with a huge amount of new family members all at once instead of slowly integrating into those things over time. We had to pay for our wedding ourselves so had zero rush and invited only who we really wanted to be there, and while it was a blast it was still stressful. But holy shit that limo ride back to the hotel room when it was all over is a top 5 moment in both our lives.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Yeah we got married on our 18th anniversary of being a couple. I always said I didn't believe in marriage and I still think it's a silly idea to be honest.

My argument was that we had made the choice to be together and to be an exclusive couple. There was zero need to get married to have that. It's a certificate that costs a fortune just to have someone else tell us the terms and conditions of our relationship. I had proposed to her a few years into being together and we just remained engaged for a decade or more.

My Wife had an issue before the marriage where she would get odd looks off some people, some of the time, when our surnames came up. My kids had my surname and she had hers, and there's still a stigma to that from some people.

So she changed her name legally to my surname at some point, so we even had that benefit without technically being married.

Then one day she just said "Hey should we get married? Doesn't have to cost much at this point." I had zero argument against it except the tired old arguements of "It's just a bit of paper, we don't need the State to tell us we're together." So we went ahead, and I picked the date of our anniversary so I didn't have to remember another date.

It was a Monday so that immediately cut the people that didn't wanna book a day off work, and it cost us £500 including food and venue (the pub over the road from our house which didn't open during the day on a Monday). And it was a cracking day. We could just wander home if we needed anything, and when we'd had enough drinking we just toddled over the road.

As for the wedding night, my Wife still ribs me for the fact I just rolled into bed drunk and snored.

What we managed to do was prove that a wedding doesn't need to be too much of a stress, or cost the earth, to be a meaningful event. It's still a high-point in our lives, but we didn't really gain anything from doing it.

One thing I will never understand is the people that think that it's an important part of a relationship. A guy at work was talking about the length of his marriage. He is much older than me and was saying he had been married 40 years. I piped up that we had been together for 23 years and married for 5 and he just replied "Yeah but we've been married for 40 years" like the 18 years before our "ceremony" were meaningless. But this is the same guy that asked me yesterday if I was "A Fucking Puff or something" because I've painted my nails black. There's a generation of people still alive that think like this and honestly, I hope it's gone by the time my kids grow up.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

Met my wife in highschool and got married right out of college. We are now pushing 40 and are still happy and content. We were lucky, we grew together and in similar ways, but we also just knew when we knew. We even had twins a few years back and even the stress of that didn't destroy us.

We (hopefully) still have many years together and maybe things will break down, but, so far, neither of us regret marrying so young.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

There are some arguments in this thread that are getting dangerously similar to pedo arguments.

Edit:

Who is downvoting me? How am I wrong? Look at all these "age is just a number" comments. All the "some people are mature for their age" comments. I'm not making an accusation, but if you think this is a winning argument with your full chest then my level of concern is rising.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

I'm 35 and I'm still not sure that I'm old enough to get married yet.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

I'm 40ish and I've wanted the same thing since I was 20. Haven't found a good match but nothing has really changed regarding my long term goals and the things I want from life.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Married at 23. Met my husband at 18 on a dating app, was supposed to be a quickie. He's just that charming, and I love him lol.

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