this post was submitted on 19 Dec 2024
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I love these! My favorite one is, “if you were forced to shove a whole pineapple up your ass, as a matter of life and death, would you insert it top or bottom first?”
Keep in mind, you’ll need to get it back out once it’s in.
Bottom first. The leaves would serve as a flared end and a handle. You’d want it to be ripe-ish I imagine. Ripe enough to have a little give, but not ripe enough that the leaves come out too easily.
Pineapples also come in different sizes, I’ve seen some homegrown ones posted on Lemmy that seem…manageable.
I feel like you've given this an unusual amount of thought
Just keep in mind that the hard, pointed spikes on the outside face up, so you’ll be pulling it out against them.
If you do top first you get the harder part over with, and then have plenty of blood to lubricate the way out.
It’s a horrific image but it’s the right way to go. You’ll simply never, under any circumstances, make it work the other way.
I mean it won’t work either way but if you don’t fucking die by the end of it at least you could theoretically get patched up.
Only horrific initially, relatively
The human anus can stretch up to 7 in. (18 cm.) before taking damage.
The average pineapple is 6 in. (15 cm.) in diameter.
You got this.
Try not to tense up.
Without training? :o
Just taaaaaap it in, just give it a little tappy. Tap tap taparoo. You got this.