this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2024
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I was able to sit still just fine. Unfortunately, I would dissociate to be able to do this and as a result I had no idea what the hell was going on.
I hate the disassociation so much, especially since I have no control over when it happens. I'm always missing the first few words of a conversation when someone starts talking to me and have to use context to figure out what they're talking about. The worst is when it happens in the middle of a conversation. I'm trying to listen but then suddenly I just tune-out without warning, often without realizing it.
It's beyond frustrating, especially when you're trying to have healthy relationships. I come across as uncaring and selfish, which is the worst part. Nobody believes me when I say that I'm trying my hardest to listen.
Hard relate. It really sucks and "active listening skills" do help a lot but it's no substitute for just... Being able to follow along without incredible amounts of effort.
I feel like sometimes I get grace by brushing it off as "sorry I spaced out what did you say about XYZ?" but that only goes so far.