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dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone? (programming.dev)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I go to work to work because I need a paycheck, not to make friends.

Where I am there is a new coworker that to me acts needy (think of Slow Horses's Struan Loy), tries befriending me, but he invariably asks if everything's ok. I don't care about this person's life.

The first 2 times I didn't think anything of it, but he asks that every day and it's becoming tiring.

I feel mobbed and stalked, mobbed because he keeps insinuating there is something wrong with me just because I don't ask him about his private life and do my job, and stalked, because he is so fixated on me.

going to HR over this seems ridiculous, but I'm starting to hate his voice.

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[–] [email protected] 77 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

"I'm sure you're perfectly nice as a friend, but I'm not looking for a friend. I like to keep my work and private life separate, and I'll thank you to do the same around me. Don't think I dislike you; but for me, personal chat is an unwelcome distraction."

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Don't say it, send it in an email.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why in god’s name would you escalate to writing?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

so that if it escalates there is a trail of information to bring to hr. especially a good idea if this person has been around the company longer.

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