this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2024
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Showerthoughts
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A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. The best ones are thoughts that many people can relate to and they find something funny or interesting in regular stuff.
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I'm going to let you in on some insight from a 40-something millenial:
It starts off that way a bit, and you're expected to at least put forward the impression you have your shit together before you do. But then the pretending gets easier and easier until you realize you're just paying your bills, getting your laundry done, and doing what you need to do while feeling like you're failing at the new, added responsibility in your life (like big career changes, kids, projects taken on, kids, taking care of family or friends, more kids). But that's with anything new you take on. If you aren't struggling at least a little, you're not growing.
If you choose that. I can't speak to the pay, because y'all are getting fucked... so far. I'll speak more on that in a second, but I was the store manager of a restaurant for a few years before moving to New York from Seattle on a whim, worked customer service at a phone center for a cable company, and then joined the Coast Guard in my mid-to-late 20s, and drove boats until going into aviation and flying in helicopters, living in various places throughout the country, saving a few lives, flying in really cool places, and when I retire I can go do something else. People who stay in a job behind a desk their whole work life either love that job or are complacent in it. You are absolutely not chained to it.
And as for the shitty pay and everything, what I have seen of the Gen Z folks that have come through the Coast Guard is that they advocate for themselves and get things that we millenials are embarrassed to hear requested, much less think to ask for ourselves. And look to all the labor movements going on to push back at those pay drops. Keep the momentum, keep up the fight, don't get complacent like my generation or Gen X.
That's not a mid-life crisis, that's just the normal fear of entering the world for real, and it's been that way for a long, long time. The crises come when you start feeling how little time you have (quarter-life realization you just don't have enough lifespan to do everything you hope to do, mid-life realization of how little time you really have). Your thing is simply the fear of embarking into the unknown, and your doomscrolling has made your future look bleak. Put the phone down. Take opportunities when you can. Enjoy what you can out of life.
The whole thing is daunting, I totally get it. But going in with the approach you have is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I agree with this and want to add my take on "pretending to have your shit together"
Its not so much as trying to impress everyone around you as much as it is focusing on positives. If you need specific help to get something done and I'm the person that can help, by all means, tell me you don't have your shit together and I'll work with you. But otherwise, I don't really need to hear about how bad you are at getting laundry done. Most people in my area have shitty retail/cust svc jobs that aren't much to write home about. Does it pay the bills? Do you have a normal amount of time off? If yes and yes, then great, let's talk about some social trend or play a game or drink beer. You have a 2-basket laundry system, I haven't vacuumed in 3 years. We don't need to judge each other's lives over those details. We're not hanging out to be the two most shit-togethered people in the room, we're here for common interests and well-paired attitudes.
I'll offer another price of experience in my 30s. I had no friends at 25. I lost all my school friends, my neighborhood friends all had new neighborhoods, I was overqualified but stuck at a bullshit job, and my cousins got different lives. Sure, I hung out with people from work, I found a new set of cousins with my spouse, and I found a like-minded group from a hobby. But those don't count, right? Not my actual cousins, I only see the hobby people during hobby activities and related gatherings, and that's just "work" people.
Wrong.
Don't put qualifiers on who is a real friend. Do you have a good time together? Do you meet sometimes? Do you beleive they mean you no harm? Great, those are real friends. Nearly all friends in life will be friends of proximity. A neighbor, a classmate, a coworker, a hobbyist. When you lose the proximity by moving, changing schools, exiting a hobby, or changing jobs, most will fade into the background. Shared experiences keep friendships moving so when you take away the common setting, it doesn't flow as easily. The inside jokes from coworkers about new policies now need a preface to get the other person up to speed. The former neighbor needs to make plans with you to meet for dinner instead of just coming around the corner. The hobbyists used to talk about their next project but, previously, never talked about life with you.
Maybe you'll have a good lifelong friend or two with whom you always reconnect instantly. It's probably because of some similarity in your formative years that keeps you in the same book, if not on the same page. Other than that, you'll always be bouncing around between groups. Please, don't disqualify them as temporary or not serious enough. Live in the moment. Are you having a good time with these people right now? Then let the good times roll.
It hit me hardest around my wedding. I felt like I had no one to invite and was part of why I pushed it off. I ended up with about 20 aquaintices at a 120-guest wedding. I got to see several weddings shortly before mine and realized I fit in just fine at those. When I was at my welcome party the night before and saw all these different groups mingling with each other, they didn't really care about the qualifiers of their presence, either. They asked how they knew the wedding couple but moved onto their regular small talk. A party isn't a place to be the sole star of your own show, a party is a happy group of people partaking in festivities. Your cultivated group of aquaintices will be more compatible than you realize.