this post was submitted on 15 Feb 2024
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Relationship Advice

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First of all, I am an expat who has been living abroad for 9 years now.

Two years ago I meet a wonderful woman who is also form my home country, she has been living here a lot less time than I have (about a year by the time we meet).

About a month into our relationship she told me that it was with kids or nothing. I asked her for a few weeks to think about it and after deciding that she was the one, I dedicded to continue our relationship and started planning on common goals.

Months went by and it was truyly an amazing time, we really love each other. Part of our life plans involved us moving together in 2024. Before that happened, she decided to travel back to our home country to spend christymas and new year's with her family and get some paperwork done.

While she was there, she called me one day and told me that she wanted us to move back to our home country and continue our live together there, however I do not want that, at all.

Here I have a high paying job, I own a house ideal to raise kids. Education and quality of life is one of the best in Europe. And I really really do not want to go back to a shithole country.

She insists on her plan and gave me an ultimatum, I kinda already made up my mind, but I really do not know how to even start the conversation.

How can I approach this?

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (2 children)

Just start with, "I need to talk to you about our relationship," then tell her what you just told us. Relocating is a deal breaker for you, and that's a reasonable deal breaker. Always use "I" statements, and never "You" statements.

There's never a good way to break up with someone, but doing it in person and being straight forward and honest is the best path to use. And you never know when a clearly communicated counter argument might actually change someone's mind

BUT do not go into this thinking she's going to change her mind. Expect her to stick to her guns and the relationship to be over.