Chat

7499 readers

1 users here now

Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.

Subcommunities on Beehaw:

AskBeehaw

This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

Are there resources for learning social skills? (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

29 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm 30 and horrible at keeping friends. I don't know if it's the unschooling or the autism, but I'm told I come across as hostile when I think I'm being nice.

I know the basics. I make eye contact but not too much, I ask people about themselves and their interests to show I'm interested, I don't dominate conversations with myself and my own interests. I try to be a nice person people might want to keep around, too— I give money when someone's in a pinch, I remember birthdays, I help move, et cetera.

Eventually people either people tell me I'm being a dick in ways I never realized, or more likely, they just eventually stop messaging me back.

The one thing I'm sure I struggle with is body language. I've read a lot that you need to mirror the other person's body language, but I don't know how to do that. Especially since I normally meet people at work and we're usually pushing big carts around and moving products and I'm just not thinking about my body as something expressive, just practical.

I'm sure I have many more blind spots that I'm not even aware of.

So like... are there classes for this? Some kind of specialized therapy? I don't really want to try anymore unless I can stop being a dick

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

If you’re being perceived a different way than you intend, I find it’s best to simply apologise, explain that what your intention was and clarify what you mean.

It’s not just you that can mistakenly imply, others can mistakenly infer things too; such is the nature of human to human communication. (Considering we’re just a mess of electrical impluses it’s a miracle we can communicate ideas at all tbh)

Just be yourself, apologise and clarify if it comes across incorrectly, learn from the immediate feedback and I feel critically; don’t be trying to keep to guidelines of how you need to behave in a conversation. Be yourself, be in the moment. If you’re trying to micromanage your behaviour in the moment, people will sense that and it’ll put them off.

Just try to lean towards replies that hear the other person and show them kindness, but don’t overthink it on a day to day