Comradeship // Freechat

it eats at me when I have to see the results of the “unjust peace” (not that what’s going on in the world or even within the cores can be remotely described as “peace”) and live in it, particularly with the Sinophobic sword of Damocles hanging over my head (ethnic Chinese myself), or with literal industrial genocide going on and the west goosestepping towards WW3 and open fascism.

I can't pretend to understand the part about being ethnically Chinese in the imperial core, as I definitely qualify as "white" myself, but the part about "unjust peace" resonates with me in some way. I don't know if my mind is going to quite the same places, but there's something about the normalcy of things in the US that def eats at me. One expression of this where I notice it is, of all places, dating apps. I don't know what it is about it, but seeing profile after profile that has all this individualistic language about a personal lifestyle, while perhaps the most documented-in-real-time and widely publicized genocide in history is being funded and enabled by the US, is such a disorienting feeling. There's the odd profile here and there that mentions it, maybe some of it's my locale, but it's like overall, this juxtaposition of liberal individualism against the realities of what is happening in the world. Like the implied assumption is that the current system works and will keep working and everybody will sort of get to do their own thing if they try hard enough for it, and it's like, are many of these people putting on a face but don't believe the system is going to last, or are they sleepwalking through it in a political education sense of things.

And I'll be honest, I don't think I'm doing the best I could be doing in my own case, with regards to these things. I might be doing the best I can manage right now, but I can probably work to do better going forward. And I think that's part of the disorienting feeling for me too. Like having one feet in and one foot out. But I can never unsee everything I've seen and I can't ever feel normal going back what it felt like before I was more aware of what's going on in the world beyond the imperialist bubble of propaganda. And the fact that I can't means it's all the harder to relate to a lot of people. So I can put on a face and do the individualist lifestyle dance to a point, but sometimes it feels like putting on a brave face for a kid. I know that would probably sound demeaning to people and places it applies to, but it's the best analogy I can think of at the moment. It's like this thing of pretending things are normal when they aren't because it's too upsetting to others if you don't at least try to, to a degree. That doesn't mean I never bring up the issues I care about, but it's like, trying to find the right balance of being able to meet people where they are at in order to have any chance of moving the needle and taking a principled stand. That is hard, when the default position for so many in the US is confident spew that contains various levels of barely-contained vile; and I'm not even talking about people who are openly fascist or whatever. More just the stomach-turning nature of liberalism.