this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024
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I remember I was walking through a mall carrying a gift bag full of chocolates for my mom. It was one of those places that gives out those special types of gift bags so it was pretty obvious what I was carrying. I passed by one of those kiosks that sell phone cases and I heard the girl running the place call out to me. I politely waved at her and said "No, thank you." And walked away. After I got out of the mall I realized the girl said "Oh, are those for me? You're so nice!"
I thought she was trying to sell me something...
audio processing disorder
That's a keen observation (whether true or not). It took me a long time to realize I wasn't "hard-of-hearing"... I just couldn't always figure out what was being said (literally having difficulty processing it). So I enjoy subtitles, to say the least
But still, very astute of you
thats because i experience that also, although it is not as severe as described in the wiki article.
the biggest problem ist getting to know people, if i am not used to them, their speech sometimes is so muddled, I always wondered what was up with them, why were the speaking as they had hot potatoes in their mouth?
turned out that if i get them to know more, their speech got clearer and clearer.
well, and ten years ago, I realized It is my own odamn fault, got my autism diagnosis. also got problems with orientation (like, in a town), discalculia, mistaking left and right, not remembering the same couple of words again and again. problems with specific names (i switch up syllables, Diana turns into Adina, Jana. Nadia, Dana. stuff like that), reversing number sequences (had to quit my industry mechanic school because of this, the measurements are important....), reversing left and right
and the absolute worst was driving alone on a road, nopbody around, i come up the the intersection, and I completely forgot wich side of the road I had to use. total blank. I could not say with which hand I write.
this went on for 30 seconds, then it came back to me.
quit driving because of this. oh, and I greatly misjudged speed and distance from the other cars. I was always driving mercedes automatics with sharp brakes, and turbo power, so i could relay on my brakes to stop, and on my engine to get away. drove automatic with tempomat and gps wa always on, that left my mind free to concentrate better on traffic.
it aws a nightmare. Once i stopped driving, I quit drinking as well.
I ride my bike now.
ps; once i startd treatment with ritalin, lyrics in music became so much clearer, I misheard so many thing, I had no idea.
oh, now you mentioned subtitles:
yeah, subtitles sometimes makes the audio clearer, you dont really have to read the subtitles, just glance a bit at them, and your brain will get the right directions ;-)
I think it got better and better though - as a kid, I resorted to lie that I was deaf on one ear, sou i could get people to repeat and repeat what they just said. still didnt get it sometimes, and just said "yes", only to be exposed as an idiot once more.
couldn not even read the clock with the 12 numbers, the round mechanical type. learned it at age 13 at the trainstation, because I absolutely had to learn it. took me months from first really trying it.
I don't have the same issues, but I get it. And yes, I don't "need to read" the subtitles, but I enjoy the clarification lol
I was a "toe-walker" as a kid, some tics I had to overcome, mild prosopagnosia, adhd stuff vs autistic traits, the audio processing issues... all kinda leaving me with a bunch of social anxiety because I can't always recognize or get to know people (who clearly remember me). I have to constantly play it off as being "aloof" or "head in the clouds". But truly, I just have delays in a few areas and can't always keep up with what's being presented. And the worse it is, the worse my anxiety becomes, leading to a cyclical issue. It's exhausting trying to "keep-up" sometimes
But ya know... fuck it. Just being aware has helped some. I still live a constantly awkward social life, but it's just how I am. I've accepted a lot of it and have learned to (mostly) appreciate my "quirks", and just be the best me that I can manage.
It's not so much that I'm autistic, but more so that I'm simply me.
Edit: I still don't really hear lyrics either, even with treatment. The voice is just another instrument to me (almost like a bass or a drum)...but I kinda like it, because I can always look the lyrics up and clarify... if the song slaps (aka, I'm obsessed). Every day is a new adventure lol
yeah, I hate this play pretend stuff to get out of being judged.
i recently realized that this could be masking, and i always did that, and I had completely false understanding about masking in autism.
god, I had so many awkard situations with not recognizing people... and friends and family dont believe me, because sure, i recognize them.
accepting my defects instead of being ashamed of them was very difficult. but it was the right path to go down, i am much happier then 10 years before.
Oh, I didn't know poor orientation could also be an autistic trait, that explains things.
yeah, you probably should read up on comorbidities of adhd and autism, there are A LOT.
these things have scary names, and are described in a severe fashion, but you have to have your eyes open for mild signs, like reversing number sequencing, or reversing left and right. forgetting always the same 15 words.
if you have lots and lots of these things, they start to really trip you up in daily life, and you are ashamed of your self all the time, or, i was.