HAMPTON BEACH, NH—Greeting the video with a mixture of mild consternation and resigned acceptance, Republican voters across the nation reportedly shrugged Monday and said there was really nothing you could do after footage of Donald Trump molesting a deer emerged. “Look, did I personally want or expect to see this video of Trump wetly kissing a doe on the cheek and reaching for her groin—no, obviously not—but what am I supposed to do now? Stop supporting the guy?” said New Hampshire voter Anthony Palmieri, one of millions of Trump supporters who appeared unfazed and responded, “Basically, it is what it is,” after watching the 93-second video of the former president slapping a female deer’s rear end and asking if what he was doing turned her on. “I’ve been on the Trump train for almost nine years now. I’ve been through so much already. No, I didn’t need to see Trump’s arm disappearing inside a deer’s body. And I can’t really cobble together an explanation for what he was doing sticking his tongue in her ear. I guess I could say this is just something that would happen in a locker room? Or that the media made it up? Yeah, I guess I’ll go with that.” At press time, an increasingly confident Palmieri went on to stress that no one was even considering all the woodland animals President Joe Biden had probably molested.
Oh no, not again.