this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2024
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This is real honestly. This is what I keep trying to remind myself; especially given my particular intersections, like-- it's some people that I genuinely don't feel I owe the time, but at my own collision points, especially at the less-than-savory ones, that's where I owe the most. My time in service shames me, and if any of my blood had any self-awareness, theirs would shame them too because most of them were careerists; and it's because of that service that I feel obligated to at least try and do even a measure of good work to spite the apparatus that my fingerprints are on.
I might tire of trying to hold that space and do that work, but that's not something that I get to quit specifically because of where I've been.