Pro-tip: Asking permission to interrupt to say your bit goes down much much better than just interjecting
this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2024
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I stopped trying. People don't want to hear anything I have to say, anyway. It's probably better this way.
I feel this deep in my bones. I used to feel like this all the time.
What worked for me is that most of the people who make me feel this way, I realized, are not people I care about. So I just stopped giving any shits about them or telling them anything.
I dunno if that's a great way to handle it, but it's how I get by.
Yeah, it's difficult when all your friends and family are people that you don't want to talk to.
Yeah. I also stopped associating with folks who don't make me feel good.
Obviously every relationship, including friendships, will have their fair share of difficulties, so there's kind of an allowance for how much BS I'm willing to take before I call it quits on continuing to associate with someone.
There are no extra allowances in my policy for family.
After adopting this policy, I lost a lot of friends; most of whom I was happy to see go. The friends that remained are few, but they're people I can count on.
My criteria, in my mind, is very generous... I'll outline a few things quickly, but the process is far more involved, so keep that in mind. The primary rule is that we're friends first. None of this "you only call me when you need me to do something for you" shit. Which isn't to say I don't help my friends, it's just that, if we never hang out with no expectations of "help me with this thing" then I start to feel like the guy you call when you need free labor. That's a big one. The remainder of the rules get a bit more nuanced, like my friends need to be able to take a joke, I don't want to walk on eggshells around people who are supposedly my friends. Their humor must be compatible with my humor, I don't want to feel like I'm holding back on witty banter because I know it will be taken wrong. There has to be a balance in terms of financials, I don't care how much you make, but I'm nobody's free ride, sugar daddy, or whatever. Freeloaders are cut loose. Either we split the bill or we take turns. If it's never your turn, then I'm not going to continue to waste my time paying for you to eat and drink....
A lot of stuff that's centralized around, be my friend, I'm not your zero cost employee, provider, nor therapist....
I feel that's fair. But I can say with confidence that a lot of people fail to meet those requirements. Family included.
I also don't put up with bullying or discriminatory bullshit. Be a racist/sexist/homophobic somewhere else. I don't want anything to do with you.