The Onion

“When we were kids we were taught that America was basically empty before European settlers got here. We were told that a few Indigenous tribes welcomed these visitors with open arms, but unfortunately that’s not the truth. These European immigrants exterminated the native community,” said Dr. Hammon. “So when conservatives talk about how illegal immigrants are coming to this country and terrorizing people they are absolutely right. They are just a few hundred years too late for it to be true.”