Vancouver

Brother, I have been trying to find support for at least 20 years. There is none. I have had therapists straight up say to my face that they can't refute my arguments for not wanting to be alive. Mental health treatment is fucking joke anymore. They can't even diagnose shit. You know what their idea of a diagnosis is? Asking the same five fucking questions three different ways. How the fuck does that help diagnose that I have PTSD (or CPTSD, I'm not a fucking psychiatrist)? Oh, yeah, it doesn't. Which is why I had to figure it out myself AND THEY STILL WON'T LISTEN. And treatment is the same fucking handful of drugs to pick from, regardless if you're bipolar or just depressed. I'm on my hundredth round of trying to find help and I've been on a wait list for two months now. I'm done trying. I'm tired.

Yeah, I care. And I fucking hate it, because it does nothing but hurt and noone else gives a damn to do anything, to stand up for what is good and right. I truly can't grasp how people can just not give a fuck. Like, I've encountered a number of people in my life going through shit and I had to remove them from my life because I can't deal with their shit when I've got my own, but my heart just fucking breaks for them. I'm done trying. I'm tired.

Yeah, I used to do the same; get all motivated and try to accomplish something, only for it to go nowhere. It's hard to do much of anything with literally no money or income. (Still waiting on disability, but I know that'll never happen because "yOu'Re A mAn YoU sHoUlD jUsT wOrK".) I did have my video games, but I've lost all interest in that now, too. Everything I already have to play keeps breaking and nothing good is coming out any time soon. Congratulations, capitalism, you have successfully enshittified everything. I'm done trying. I'm tired.

I do appreciate the kind words, though I think it would be better to save the energy for someone that still has hope. I'm just a worthless anti-fascist, anti-capitalist, anti-communist, white, cis bi-sexual-hetero-romantic man with no money that can't work. The only talent I have is hyper-awareness of what's going on. And what's going on, is our lives are under constant threat, be it political or through our destruction of the environment. Usually both. In any case, I'm done trying. I'm fucking tired.