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If I don't care what pronouns are used, can I still be an ally? (lemmy.world)

submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Trigger warning: this could be upsetting

Shortly after graduating school, I hung out with someone I met once before and was raped and have some trauma in my background. It was aquaintance rape I guess? I barely knew him. There's other bad stuff that's happened that's also horrifying, some of it worse than that.

I am biologically male and effeminate, but don't want to have a female body. I don't really feel like anything and sort of don't care what people call me. I am slightly asexual just from trauma and don't really feel like I exist in a way. It wouldn't surprise me if I'm not around in another decade.

I support trans people, but feel like putting he/him next to my name sort of implies a more clear identity than I have or implies I care about how people label me. I don't. I sort of barely exist and don't like to imply otherwise. People can call me anything, I don't care. I don't see myself as female or a they or it. I don't see myself as anything.

I almost want to go like (he/him/*) but I am afraid this would be disrespectful.

I truthfully would like to be (he/him/🫥/💀) which would obviously be seen as demeaning. I feel like anything other than normal parantheticals opens the door to a distracting conversation that I don't want professionally and often don't want personally. And I feel like nothing after my name is dog-whistle for trans-people-are-invalid.

(I don't care about pronouns but support trans people) also seems disrespectful and sort of like "i want attention" and I really don't.

I wish I could support trans people without having to label myself or my body or even bring up these topics. Is there a way to do that? There probably isn't.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

These two things are ~~entirely~~ mostly unrelated. People who do not want to be misgendered for whatever reason use them to avoid being misgendered as often as possible. To be inclusive some allies include theirs also, it shows some level of support and helps normalize displaying pronouns. You can still support others without putting your own pronouns promenantly out there for everyone to see.

Take me for instance. I identify agenderly but use he/him pronouns mostly becuase that's how I was born and look. I, much like you, don't care about how I'm pronouned, and honestly I prefer however I'm presenting at the time. In life it doesn't change much. But in games it can vary.

My own opinion on pronouns being that they exist to ease conversation, and so long as they do that, I have no problem using anyone's preferred selection. Up until someone decides their pronouns are so unique that it's not really a pronoun anymore, it's more like a second name. That's when I get a bit petty and will generally avoid talking about whoever that is at all.