this post was submitted on 05 Feb 2024
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I get you’re joking, but just in case there’s any earnestness there and you’ve been hurting your own feelings lately. I’d like you to know that acknowledging self loathing is honest introspection and a good first step, the self loathing itself is more like self harm and generally dishonest. If there is any honesty in it, try and practice more self compassion.
Shit’s tough out here, you matter and people care about you. Keep going friend :)
I appreciate the concern! I joke about my issues, so it's like 50/50 a joke and it's real lol
I have a very hard time with self compassion because I feel like it's undeserved or a lie. If I hate myself for reasons x,y,z I feel dishonest expressing self compassion, I feel that the hatred is well deserved.
I'm horrible with double standards though: you're a human and humans make mistakes and can change, but for me I would attack myself relentlessly lol
Of course you’re welcome. I’ve gone through similar thought patterns and it sucks to be stuck in a head space like that. Glad you’re half joking, rooting for you to lock down that second half.
Don’t be stranger if you need one. Good luck.
Let me counter that with:
People are assholes, we all die eventually, maybe admitting we suck is more appropriate than pretending we are good for the sake of appeasing our own insane minds before we die. Maybe it helps change for the better or not, who knows.
Shit's tough, the grand scheme of your existence is practically miniscule with the likely amount of impact you have and people mostly care about how other people care about them. Go out there and play a good game, champ!
It sounds like you’re suggesting self compassion is a lack of self-accountability, but they aren’t the same. So your premise is flawed.
People care because it comes naturally to us, people that can’t or don’t have personality disorders and that’s a different burden to live with. Even they don’t deserve to be trapped in depression and self hatred and nobody ever got better by hurting themselves.
Apathy sucks. It’s lazy, boring, not as cool as your nihilistic antiheroes have led you to believe, and is just a bummer to be around.
I don’t want to keep enaging with your negatively, but sincerely hope you’re doing okay and finding healthy happiness in your life.
Nah I'm just countering with you have no concept of what their person is going through and casual well wishes are meaningless to a person drowning. The situation one finds themselves in is often a myriad of outcomes not entirely based on self and can still leave a person feeling defeated.
It's probably true that I don't know what it's like to be the average person but also the idea of average is flawed and comes from a self centered perspective of normal.
So I'm sharing mine. A different perspective for the drowning person not of self love but of a need to swim as hard as they can and give the audience the show they can muster if they want to. But it's mostly a game of understanding how far you can get and hoping there might be more. I won't offer anything but practical advice.
I find the people who are joining hands and singing about how we are all friends to be boring to be around too. And not helpful in times of need. Apathy is not a great answer but just being sure that you love yourself and aware of how you are in a situation doesn't equate to much at the end of the show.
Existence is fleeting and not guaranteed. People will aim to extend theirs and as an afterthought, others. So you decide how much you want out of it. Ignore the crowd and the boos and get on with dying.
Crab Bucket Effect
So you were... Pulling him out of the bucket by calling him friend when I said fuck that life is about making of what you got and good luck? Or am I pulling you down by admitting it's a myriad of situational aspects that define a person as much as their own personal values? Which part allows you to see me as a cruel force bringing others down? Cause that was pretty esoteric as far as responses go.
Are you just telling me that you caught a lot of crabs in a bucket and you just want to show off the cool thing you found? Or are you mad at me cause I interrupted your rather blase show of altruism for self feel good points to point out that words kinda mean nothing? And it hurt your ideas that these words are deeply meaningful and impactful. Saying you are a friend and being a friend are different things. People talk about the things said that pulled them out but not as much about the importance of who said it. Which is honestly more important and why finding a therapist whom's opinion you take seriously is more important than the smartest one. (Unless that's how you decide trust)
I get that it feels good and feels like helping but know that the sappyness doesn't stick as well digitally and "fuck it" is sometimes just as an assuring thought as "chin up" for a person. People like feeling seen, and sharing just to hear someone hears it. And Internet platitudes are often junk food for the soul. No substance, just makes you feel good for a little then it is back to yearning. Happiness isn't a constant feeling. I'm sure they will feel it but it doesn't mean the rest doesn't hurt waiting for the next meal.