this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2024
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I just want to die but can't kill myself because then people would be upset so if I die saving someone else it's a win for everybody.
This is also how most of my guy friends feel about it.
Exactly how I thought about it in highschool.
That bullet is my ticket outta here and I'll be damned if someone else is gonna take it before me! course, alot's changed since then. I've got people who care about me and a few promises to keep, and overall my life's alot better since I have my own autonomy now.
As a guy, same.
I even told my therapist yesterday that I don't want to try to kill myself, because I'll fuck that up, too.
I used to tell my psych I was apathetically suicidal. I'm not gonna throw myself in front of a bus, but I'm not sure I'd jump out of the way either.