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People scared of being kind to others are scared of doing it wrong and being embarrassed.
Yeah there are deeper issues at work but a large, large percentage of comfortable people raging against equality and equity are far more concerned about mis-gendering someone and getting laughed at, or mispronouncing a foreign word, or not understanding an accent, and getting publicly humiliated for it.
If this seems like a really childish motivation to create an entire movement to push back on healthy initiatives for people to be good to each other, then yes, you are right, it is childish and most people are children. Think back on the last time you saw a toddler performatively act angry and throw a fit when they get chastised and you will understand the entirety of the conservative pushback against progressive social movements.