this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2024
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Parenting
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Some people would say that attempting to reach your own self-fulfulment through your children is a form of child abuse. Certainly it can easily become abusive and I don't think it's a positive pattern to encourage.
Having a child aught not be about what you want or even what you need. That's backwards, and it's exactly the sort of lie we tell ourselves to try to post-hoc rationalize a decision that our bodies have made for us, and we want to believe we made for ourselves.
I have seen what i think you are talking about. Forcing your kids to be be a famous actor or something. No I'm talking about the dream of living on Mars or experiencing the last star die. Something I cannot do in this lifetime. Why did my grandma, mom, myself work hard and spend responsible if not to pass that down to the next player so they can have a better start, grow it, and continue? I am the summation of 10,000 years of human suffering dreams, ambition, etc. Seems like a waste of all their hard work not to continue. This has nothing to do with what my body wants but what I want. Lol I know plenty of people like my sister who's body it telling them hard no.
That's not what I am talking about. I am talking about simple emotional dependence on your children for your own needs. That is a classic abusive inversion of the relationship.
Once you die, it's over. Dead people don't have interests. Making plans for when you are dead is even more irrational than convincing yourself that having children is a benefit to you or anyone else. All this stuff about fulfilling your ancestor's legacy is romantic twaddle you use to confuse yourself.
Confuse myself? I normally associate confusion with not knowing where to go or what to do. I have drive, Ambition, and clear direction since before I left HS. Decades later it still drives me.
agree it's over when you die. Isn't that why we want to make the most of it? If your goal is to live your individual life to the fullest than that's it. Can't take anything to the grave but your shirt so spend it all! And 200% don't have kids. I having burning hate for my father and his kind for that behavior. If your goal is dream of a better tomorrow and struggle for your kids as it had been for thousands of years of human history than that's it too. Like that's why we try to save the planet so our children can enjoy it too.