this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2024
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Mental Health

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I've posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.

In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.

Another thing is I'm an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y'all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y'all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.

I just really don't see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn't much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.

My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It's crazy to think 22 years ends like this.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago (7 children)

So…2 months ago I had to find my best friend of 18 years, my brother, my roommate, my best man…In his closet, strung up. I was supposed to be driving him to his trans-sisters birthday, instead; I have to find him like that.

I haven’t been able to sleep, eat, dream, walk around the house at night. I had to take a week off work to sort his life out and was fired because of it. I haven’t been able to get back into work due to the trauma. What a selfish thing it is to make someone you care about find you like that. He left behind his best friend, his sister, his cat that I had to give away, his rotting car I just repaired for him out of my pocket, and give it away to his now widowed fiancé. He broke so many souls with his decision. I’m always angry. When I talk to him in my house now in the pitch of the night, I’m always angry. His alter of flowers, his obituary, his picture I have on my shelf, I see every day, makes me so angry.

He’s not in any pain anymore, he left the house a mess for an inspection, he left his shit everywhere, he left everything, because it was too hard for him.

He was selfish, and he’s an asshole, and I will be angry at him until my time is done here, and I can kick his ass again.

Don’t do that to people. Don’t fuck up everyone else that has to pick up the pieces of your decision. It’s selfish, and it’s cruel.

Stick around, you can only go up from here.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago (6 children)

I planning on leaving and commiting alone, an automatic 911 call will be placed which will give them the location of my body.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Curious about how to set up an automatic 911 call. Is there like a phone call timer app thing?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago

Likely a heart monitor plugged into a python script would work. Than have some basic tts read "Hello, this an automated voice message, Skylar is now deceased, heart rate was recorded flat at {{time}} the location is {{location}}" ideally I'm gonna pick a parking garage which isn't active the day I'm planning on ending it.

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