this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2024

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(CW: Harassment, probable misogyny) Genuinely sick of being harassed by men (vegantheoryclub.org)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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This is more of a vent than anything but this happened last night and honestly I'm still pretty shaken up and mad over it.

I went out for a walk late last night (about 9:30-10pm) as I normally do when I have a lot on my mind. I was staying with a relative, they live in a decent-ish neighborhood and I have never experienced anything like this here before so it made it even more of a shock that this happened, plus I never go out within a five minute radius of the place of residence at this time of night for safety reasons.

I was walking around the area, was about ten minutes into the walk when I decided to sit on a bench for a breather. This car slowly drives by and approaches a parking space, but then exits it and just... stays right in front of me. I felt pretty uncomfortable and got up from the bench. Then the car started slowly following me.

I was practically shitting myself at that point and began walking faster, the car caught up with me and the driver rolled down the window and asked me if I was alright, saying I look lost, if I live in the area etc. I told him I was fine, that I live nearby. He asked me which house I lived in. I obviously refused to answer and just repeated that I lived nearby (again, a lie but I wasn't telling this creepy man anything about me). He told me that I was lying, that I don't live in the area, and I just repeated that I do and began to walk in the opposite direction. The car kept driving in the direction I was originally walking in and I thought that was it, but then he made a U-turn and continued to follow me.

After that I ran back to my relative's house and immediately locked the door behind. I don't think he saw which house I went into but I've been pretty shaken up since.

Why do creeps have to exist in the world.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Obviously I have heard about things like this happening to the women in my life but it was until recently that I experienced something like that myself when I saw a guy jacking off at a bus stop a girl was sitting in. It was such a surreal experience to see that happening in broad daylight in a city and I was and still am shocked honestly.

I pushed the guy and asked him wtf he was doing and he fled on his bicycle before I could do anything further.

In my life I have never had to worry about a guy jacking off while waiting for my bus. Never. The closest I got to unwanted attention was women touching me in a club or something but that's it. If I was a women there would be no way that I'd leave the house without some kind of a weapon. That's just the sad reality. I literally know no woman that hasn't experienced something like you described.

I'm sorry you had to experience this. I hope the piece of shit wraps himself and his car around a tree soon.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you. It's genuinely horrible what people have to go through. I wish I could carry some kind of weapon but literally any form of self defence is illegal where I live, if I fight back then I am just as guilty. And then people wonder why crime rates against women are going up.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. That sounds horrifying and no person should need to fear for their safety like that.

I’m not sure of their quality in your area, but for how shitty and racist the police are where I live, calls like yours are taken surprisingly seriously, and response times are incredibly short. Would it be possible to have an emergency number on speeddail? Again, that’s awful you have to deal with this and I wish I could say more to help in some way : (

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'll be honest just talking about it and having people listen is more help than I could ask for, thank you.

I mentioned this in another comment but my country is horrible when it comes to stuff like this. Self defence isn't even legal. Welcome to Biscuit Island.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Reading through the other comments I was thinking "is this the cursed island?". What a surprise, it is indeed this shithole...

This was a scary read, can't even imagine what you must've felt like then and afterwards. I've seen my fair share of dodgy people on the streets and from all the horror stories I've read online, I'm always super paranoid and get uneasy whenever I'm out after 8-9pm, and see someone sitting in a car parked on a quiet road at night, or just standing around... and I'm not even in the "target demographic" for these kinds of harrassments.

Can't even imagine what it must be like to go out every day knowing this can happen to you and nobody will do anything about it, it's infuriating. And to think you weren't even in a bad area, nor was it that late... not that it seems to matter much recently. One thing I've noticed (and maybe I'm reading too much into it, or maybe it's something obvious that I've just discovered now because it's not something I had to worry about for myself), is that many women walk with their arms crossed, even in busy/safe areas; I've seen almost no men doing this. I interpreted it as them being uncomfortable, tense, anxious, or just "on the defense" in some way. And if it's that, it's truly terrifying - literally everywhere you go, you're made to feel like that, day in and day out?

It seems increasingly difficult to have a normal life on normal island...

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

Oh, we have found many ways to adapt to a world that frequently wants to harm us. I have, like, half a dozen trusted friends on speed dial just in case. I didn't mention this in the post but I was about to call one of them until he started calling after me first.

This is an absolutely terrible country that rivals America in terms of racism and sexism and I am looking to leave asap.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm sorry, that sounds super fucking scary. Are you able to carry something like pepper spray?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Nope, pepper spray is illegal where I live along with basically any other form of self defence.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

That's really awful!

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This is terrifying, oh my god! I think you handled it pretty well and I’m glad you’re okay. I’ve been in a semi-similar situation but it was around 4 am and I was on my way to work. Did I you tell your family member about this incident?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

I didn't, the family member is fairly old and kind of paranoid so I knew this would freak them out. As I said the person following me didn't see which house I went to and I'm not planning on doing these late night walks again (or even going out in the area alone again no matter the time really) so I seriously doubt anything else is going to happen.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

Something similar happened to a friend of mine, she was leaving school late and a van followed her through a tunnel. So she ran and by luck she bumped into a teacher she knew and he helped her get home. I recommend that you report it to the police and don't go back to that area, at least not alone; always walk with someone if you think it's late at night or if you don't trust the neighborhood.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I'd report the incident to the police. I don't mean to scare you, but it honestly sounds like they had more in mind than just verbal harassment. Also, I'd advise you to avoid repeating the walk (at least the same time) at night.

I hope you can feel better soon, and this is the last time you have to deal with this kind of incident.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Thank you. I definitely won't be going out that late anymore especially not in that area. I agree that he almost 100% had worse motives. I've been harassed in public before but my fight or flight response has never kicked in like it did last night, it was honestly scary.

I'm not sure reporting the incident to the police would do anything though, I live in one of the worst countries for violence against women, cases of police officers assaulting women and getting let off with a slap on the wrist are far too common and the government refuses to legalise any kind of self-defence item.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

You'd want a record to exist either way, in case he reappears to you or any other woman.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

my fight or flight response has never kicked in like it did last night, it was honestly scary

That's sometimes called "the gift of fear" and it's an instinct that more often than not is accurate and protects you. Trust it.