this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2025
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The Onion

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“We have intercepted electronic communication indicating that al-Qaeda members are actively plotting to stay out of the way while America as we know it gradually crumbles under the weight of its own self-inflicted debt and disrepair,” FBI Deputy Director Mark F. Giuliano told the assembled press corps. “If this plan succeeds, it will leave behind a nation with a completely dysfunctional economy, collapsing infrastructure, and a catastrophic health crisis afflicting millions across the nation. We want to emphasize that this danger is very real.”

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[–] [email protected] 70 points 2 days ago (7 children)

https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2004/11/1/full-transcript-of-bin-ladins-speech

All that we have mentioned has made it easy for us to provoke and bait this administration. All that we have to do is to send two mujahidin to the furthest point east to raise a piece of cloth on which is written al-Qaida, in order to make the generals race there to cause America to suffer human, economic, and political losses without their achieving for it anything of note other than some benefits for their private companies.

... al-Qaida spent $500,000 on the event, while America, in the incident and its aftermath, lost – according to the lowest estimate – more than $500 billion.

Meaning that every dollar of al-Qaida defeated a million dollars by the permission of Allah, besides the loss of a huge number of jobs.

As for the size of the economic deficit, it has reached record astronomical numbers estimated to total more than a trillion dollars.

He goaded us into defeating ourselves, and it worked.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Congratulations to terror for winning the war on terror once again

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 days ago

Joining the ranks of drugs and crime

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago

Those diabolical bastards.

[–] [email protected] 130 points 2 days ago (3 children)

what's hilarious is they ran this piece 10 years ago

[–] [email protected] 53 points 2 days ago (4 children)

We're about to enter a rerun season from 10 years ago, but with more evil writers.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Stop it, or you will get the US to invade Iraq again. And then Canada.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Now hold on. We called dibs on Greenland first.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

That faux-arabic hurts my eyes, what the fuck

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