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I'm half hispanic/white. I grew up with my Mexican family and spent most summers in Mexico visiting family. I'm fluent in spanish and mostly identify culturally with my Mexican side. But my dad was a very white guy from northeast Texas, so I look very white.
While in college, I found myself serving and eventually bartending at a popular Colombian restaurant/club. I got called a lot of nasty things by Latino folks who assumed I was appropriating their culture or thought I was mocking them. I've also had Latino folks talk shit about me in spanish in front of me - assuming I didn't understand.
I often find myself playing it down or pretending I don't know spanish so as not to upset people. It has to be a conscious decision because it's very different from how I talk with my family.
Wish I had some cool, "I showed them" story, but I was always frustrated and hurt in those situations. It's like all of my upbringing, experiences, and familial relationships didn't matter because I don't look like them.
**I'd just like to add that for as many rude Latino people I've met, I've met 4x as many wonderful Latino people.
I'm in Florida and it's amazing to me that people here still seem to think Spanish is a secret code, and will insult people thinking they won't understand. Never assume. Absolutely ANYONE here can be Spanish of some variety - I have seen genteel white grandmas conversing in Spanish then perfect English too, white looking frat boys, black people, it's more difficult to "look Hispanic" here. Out west is different I think. I literally had no idea there was racism about Hispanic people until I visited California as a teenager because they were the "white people" in my city - the mayor, the rich people, plenty of them Cuban or other Hispanic.
I'm a white guy, but can speak pretty decent Spanish. Oftentimes back when I was working retail, if someone was struggling with English, I wouldn't even bother pulling out the Spanish because like you said, it often would have the opposite effect and make them upset. Basically my rule was I only used it if the customer could speak no English at all, and was looking for an interpreter, and there wasn't any Latino coworkers around to help them. It sucks because I learned the language wanting to be able to use it. I did one time catch an unassuming abuela tell her daughter that I was hot. I couldn't resist n said gracias.... If you could see her face man.