Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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I don't think you can pick out any one reason. XMPP is very old and has extensions for a huge variety of features. Many people have experience with older versions which had many major missing features (such as strong multi-device with offline support and server-side history) and a lot of the "hype" has died out long ago.
Matrix is new and made a lot of decisions that really helped its popularity.
We will see what the history holds. Matrix is still very new and maybe the hype will die out and we end up moving back to XMPP. Or maybe something new. Overall I don't think there are major fundamental differences. I think Matrix making graph sync the core primitive to build off of was a good idea, but in practice I don't think it matters much.
You say that XMPP is much lighter. But I think that is mostly due to Synapse not being very efficient. Other implementations are fairly light. Even then my Synapse is using fairly small amounts of resources. You should also check that you are making an apples-to-apples comparison with large rooms, media and message history like you would typically see in a common Matrix server.
I have a Prosody server running with about 10 concurrent users (friends/family). I just checked and it's using 32M of RAM, local storage is in the megabytes. The database I'm using as a backend for message history and such is about 70MB. The only other data is temporary cache for uploaded media, which varies depending on what's uploaded. How does that compare with a typical Matrix server for friends and family?
How did you manage to convince friends and (especially) family to actually use Matrix? Quite impressive!