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"Men are bad at picking up on women's hints." What are your actual thoughts on this sentiment? (lemmy.world)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Either through memes or comments I keep seeing this sentiment pop-up from time to time. And I'm wondering what your (yes, you) consensus is on it.

I for one am too pessimistic to do anything with potential hints. Like even if there is a good chance I still just don't want to risk it.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

when we met, my bf never picked up any of my hints, and i gave him many. i mean we met online, had a lot in common, and got along really well right away. i mean he was exactly my type and i was very clear about that as we got to know each other lol. but i only hint at interest until i'm sure, and then i get direct, so i eventually asked him out. he seemed pretty embarrassed for not picking up on the hints afterward, especially the more direct ones, but i just thought he was pretty adorable for it. i've never really thought all men are necessarily bad at taking hints in particular i mean i have never put much thought into whether a particular gender is worse at picking up on hints but i'm a woman and i've dated and had situationships with men, women, enbies and more and and in hindsight i'd say i've been bad at picking up on hints and everyone's been bad at picking up on my hints so probably everyone's bad at it lol

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I think we always assume our own communications are super clear, and we blame other people when they don't understand. That goes for flirting, but also everything else involving two or more people trying to communicate.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

i agree; communication is very complicated and for example even understandings of common phrases varies sometimes not just regionally but from person to person, so it makes sense to me that people in general often struggle to pick up on hints, especially the more subtle the hints are, and that's no one's fault. for hints in terms of sexual/romantic i think i would also probably factor in self esteem as depression and anxiety are epidemics in our society that are only getting worse as it becomes harder to maintain social lives as third places disappear. low self-esteem often comes with depression and anxiety and people who struggle with it may assume that no one would/could be interested in them or be flirting with them. idk, that at least described me for a long time when i was younger. in the case of my bf he's also autistic and struggles to pick up on social cues in general, much less flirting