[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

A good way of shifting your mentality if you're apprehensive about something like pursuing a change of career, a new hobby or whatever, is to ask yourself the question "what if it all worked out?".

It's a simple thing but it can completely alter how you approach things.

Remember landmarks when traveling. You'll know where you are once you see that landmark again. My dad told me that when we were out in the boat on the Pearl River once when I was a wee lad. I've never forgotten it and I am very good at navigation because of it I think.

“If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.”

That along with KC Davis' Ted talk, How to do laundry when you're depressed

Moisturize every day. Told to me by a very young looking 40 year old in a bathroom at a club when I was 16. Can confirm, am now around that age and I look late 20s.

1. "It doesn't matter what other people think of you."
2. "Always be yourself, no matter how hard that may be."

"Make it easy for them to give you what you want"

There's a lot of ways to interpret that, and most of them help. For instance, if you're asking your boss for a raise, if you just say "Hey boss, gimme a raise" you're making it hard for them. If you say "I think I deserve a raise, here are multiple, documented, examples of where I've helped increase revenue/fix a problem that could have cost us/improved customer retention/etc" then you're making it easier for them because they have a list of positives to justify it.

Generally if you're asking a question you need an answer to, or for something in particular, spend a little time thinking about the request from the other person's point of view. What do they need to be able, and inclined, to help you? When you know that, make sure you supply it.

I've found it to be a powerful way of approaching discussions, and it can make a lot of situations make more sense when you realize one party didn't do it and didn't get what they want.

Sometimes, of course, making it easy to give you what you want just means making any other outcome harder instead. >:)

I actually do not remember where I heard this, but I was unhappy at one of my past workplaces, and I felt like nothing made sense anymore. The purpose of my job, the product, the people... I would ask why or seek deeper understanding and received nothing back.

The advice was "when no one has your back, it's time to move your back".

It stuck with me because it applies to friends, family, work, and life in general. If you do not feel supported and able to give support back mutually then it's time to place yourself in a situation more beneficial for you and those around you.

It doesn't place blame, it's simply a validation statement - you feel x, so do y.

This was given to me during a Process Safety class in college, and I'll never forget it: in the workplace, "Always have a stupid-question buddy." Try your best to direct your questions to someone who's not your boss as you learn the ropes. That way, you can be comfortable asking those questions on basics that really need to be asked in order to do your job properly, and not look like an idiot to the person that performs your performance reviews.

Never threaten someone with something, if you cannot execute the threat.

Not religious, but "Steady plodding bring prosperity".

All my life I have watched as many of those around me struggle to stay consistent in their lives, and have worse outcomes as a result.

Inconsistent with their savings habits.

Inconsistent in their employment efforts.

Inconsistent with their love lives.

Inconsistent with taking care of themselves.

Consistency provides a basis for better long term results. Very little success is possible in almost any endeavor without it.

Though I've found it personally frustrating to remain consistent in my own life, the benefits of doing so I have found to be exponential, although late and taken for granted by others who weren't consistent.

Another is: "What are you willing to give up to get what you want?"

All too many things are zero-sum, and though consumer capitalist systems often pretend "you can have it all", you can't.

Honest reflection about what is most important to yourself, and what personal sacrifices are required to obtain your goal, makes the goal easier to obtain.

Many sacrifices that are needed are clear from the offset, but by being honest and willing before the endeavour, those future sacrifices are less traumatic. Other sacrifices pop up along the way, and it's important to re-evaluate at intervals whether your end goal is still worth it.

For love: "Prequalify your spouse."

People lead with their hearts often where their heads can't follow.

Sure they may be attractive, or have an amazing personality, or be rich, but do you KNOW them?

Is their fading beauty or quick wit or checking balance able to really make up for their poor treatment of others, latent racism or sexism, politics, religious adherence, stance on having children, intention in the future to care for ailing family, or poor spending habits? What about if they believe it's appropriate to hit your future kids, or demand the kids are their religion, or can't be gay? What if they refuse to travel or relocate? What if they don't clean up after themselves or never take responsibility for their failings?

It is imperative to long term relationship success that you spend enough time for both partners to actually understand each other, because there is more to long term compatibility related to shared values than there is to sexual attraction.

Most often this advice results in people realizing they haven't given enough thought themselves to what and why they believe is the best way to live their own lives, and where those values came from.

I've got loads more, but those are a great start.

"Is this gonna matter at your funeral?" A friend asked me this once.

Questions the gravity of the circumstances, and how much you should care (if at all).

Don't set yourself alight to keep yourself warm. Not always easy, but it is something I believe. You can only do so much if someone isn't willing to help themself.

My father once told me that as soon as you notice that you're tipsy it's time to ease down.

Even if you stop immediately you're going to continue getting more drunk from the alcohol sitting in your stomach waiting to be absorbed.

Wise words that have really stuck with me and definitely helps on nights out.

"You're an adult. You get to enjoy whatever you like."

Stuffed animals? Legos? Video games? Cartoons? I've been made fun of all my life for liking "stupid stuff" or "kid stuff" (even as a kid).

I pay my taxes. I've lived life long enough to know that I deserve to be happy. What kind of miserable shit-head would make fun of me enjoying something? Someone whose opinion has no value to me, that's who.

The 3 H’s. When someone in your life comes up to you with a problem, you either figure out, or ask them; if they want to be Hugged, Heard or Helped.

A lot of the time when someone is venting at you, they just want to be heard and understood, and I’m the type of man to want to immediately fix the issue, and it’s a bit invasive and often off the mark, so I reign myself in and ask them if they want to be Hugged, Heard or Helped. More often than not, they just want to vent and don’t want me butting in with solutions to their issues.

So the next time someone confides in you, take a step back and analyse how you should respond going forward, it really helped me understand more.