this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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I WFH, every year one of the goals that the rest of the team decides is that it's "so great" to see each other in person. The past few years haven't worked out but one did. I spent hours in a couple of airports, the huge expense for the company, I spent days away from my family, and for what? So you could look me in my same face you would see if we turned cameras on every once in a while? My husband says I'm being weird, but I legitimately want to know, what is the benefit? I hate being there and have to play nice so you can.....look me even closer in the face?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

I find that a lot of getting to know your coworkers as individuals, and not simply "the person in charge of that account" depends on face to face communication.

When I'm working remotely, the moment a meeting ends, I'm outta there.

Pretty much the only IMs I send are strictly work related - there's not much water cooler talk, not much griping, because it's all recorded (or can be) when working remotely.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago

I've worked 2 jobs for 22 years, my side-gig being the 22-year one while my day-job moves about.

Working remotely has allowed me to change addresses, cities, regions, coasts, countries, and time zones many times in those 22 years. Had there been enough work in the side gig, I would have been happy to make it my primary job; but I say that as I know the day job has taught me techniques and tools I would maybe never have been able to bring to the side gig without that incentive.

Seeing people in the flesh is neat and keen and fetch, or whatever. But I'll reserve that for my friends.

When it comes down to it, I have the power to require that a job pay me for every moment I do things on their behalf; and that includes commuting. I don't want to do it, and they don't want to pay me to do it, so I don't.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

I love seeing my team in person, it's happened twice since starting this job over a year ago, we get along well and always have a good time together. If they were in the same office as me I'd go in for team days if I could.

My life is lonely enough at home to want to isolate myself even more.

Over the past 4 years I've spent months at a time without seeing a single person. That's not healthy and I hate being alone. The biggest joy in my work life was always getting to hang out with other people because generally I'm very lonely.

Now I go to the office maybe once a week because I don't want to wake up more than 5min before stand up.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

Edit: I'm so sorry I haven't responded in a while, I figured this post got buried because it never made it to my instance? Client? Idk, I'm still trying to figure it out. Than you all for the honesty, and I can understand some easily and other comments are just going to take me a minute to put myself in someone else's shoes. You all have helped me a lot.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I'm in the same boat as you. It's a waste of time for me, but others seem to need it.

It's worth noting I have autism though. So social interactions don't do much for me.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

I realized in fairly early adulthood that I have traits that would have gotten me an Asperger’s diagnosis pre DSM changes so I relate.

Spent years making quarterly trips from outside Indy to upstate NY - somehow the boss thought it was good for morale or something.

What it was good for was reminding me how much I disliked that individual as a human being in general, and why I needed to GTFO there.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago

I find it difficult to put my penis in people of I don't see them in person and I want to put my penis in people.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (3 children)

Because generally social interaction is easier and better face to face. You can read people's facial cues better, have true eye contact, better hear the subtitles of voice and mood. People feel more connected with someone if they have met them face to face.

Alternatively, communication via email and video call can be hard and easily misread. People can misread emails as aggressive or be aggressive and not realise the impact. Communication on a video call, especially in big groups, can be difficult and impersonal.

Meeting up occasionally is probably seen as good a way to keep your team coherent and friendly. You're more likely to be aware of the other person's feelings if it's someone you've socialised and spent time with. It's easier to be empathetic and kind if you know that person in the flesh rather than just a name on an email or a random face on a video call. You're more likely to make allowances for other people if you know about them and their circumstances.

When working remotely how many times do you have social calls and chats with your colleagues? It's an important element of being in a long term team.

I work in a hospital in a busy face to face job but some colleagues I barely see as we have different weekly rosters. So I only interact with them via email or video call; despite being in the same building a lot of the time. We make the time once a month to have a team meeting and social catch up as it's good for everyone and the team. It's similar to what you're doing once a year across a country.

You may not see the value in it but it may be worth noting other people may see the value in getting to know you and understand you. For example if that socialisation isn't something that comes natural to you, your team members seeing you and getting to know you will also help them adjust to work better with you. It is very much a 2 way thing.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago

I got to say, this is only true if interaction is actually better in person. For me I'm not sure that is the case. I also do not participate in all social calls that my company set up, but I am always available for 1v1 video calls with my colleagues.

I was at the office 3 times last year and that is plenty enough for me and my team.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago

If I only ever have to see my team once a year, I take it as a win, fake it til I make it, pretend it's amazing for flatter my boss and team.

Everyone would think I'm an asshole if I wasn't positive and polite about the one whole day we are forced to eat fucking bagels together.

[–] [email protected] 55 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Some people need to be around others, some people hate it, some people are indifferent. Everyone is different.

I find social interactions very draining. While others find being isolated draining.

I think we are likely in the minority but that doesn't make us weird. No one is normal.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Social interactions are totally draining for me, but I cannot understand a person until I had a face to face communication with them.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago

Thanks for posting that. I find social interactions pretty draining as well, and default to email or chat whenever possible, but your post made it click in my head that even a quick video call with a new (or old!) colleague makes later communications feel so much easier.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago

Same here. I am introverted and I hate social interactions. It drains me. BUT for me, after talking and meeting a person face-to-face a few times, all the rest of the online communication becomes a lot more smooth-sailing.

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